


B for Babies

by faliceplease



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, I love merlex friendship, Merlex - Freeform, baby drama, but you'll see where this is going, he would do anything for her, i love drama, not really canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-07-25 23:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 29,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7551184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faliceplease/pseuds/faliceplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mer finds herself pregnant, from the man her sister loves, what lengths will her and Alex go to make sure nobody finds out the paternity?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you've ever seen Neighbours, this is hella based on Toadie and Steph

Shaky on her feet, nausea setting in like an unstoppable force. Meredith barely made it into the bathroom stall before she was staring down at her dinner in the toilet bowl. She wiped the excess bile with the back of her hand, feeling like hell as she closed her eyes and sunk to the cold tiled floor. She could hear squeals of high heeled shoes walking into the staff bathrooms, and she tried her best to compose herself as she stood, shaking as this happened without ease. Her head throbbed as she wiped herself off with toilet tissue, and flushed down any evidence of her puking. 

They always said that being a doctor wasn't glamorous, your hair was a mess before your first hour has passed, you're covered in shit and puke and sometimes blood, but 99% of the time it's not yours. Meredith wiped her eyes on the collar of her coat, before walking out to the sinks, fake smile on her face. It was Arizona who was busy fixing her hair in the mirrors, it had to be Dr Smileyface Robbins, of course it did. Meredith offered her a small composed smile as she washed her hands in silence. The cold water ran over her fingers and she was rubbing the soapy bubbles over them as if she was scrubbing into a surgery, rather than trying to rid herself of the memory. 

Arizona said something but Meredith couldn't even hear her, she couldn't hear anything as her vision became blurred until she saw nothing at all. Maybe she remembers Robbins calling out, but maybe that's just something she made up in her head. 

"Alex." She whispered when she finally opened her eyes, she was atop of a hospital bed, feeling groggy as an IV met her vision, she didn't need to be attached to fluids, she didn't need any help, she just needed to be back on her feet, tending to her patients. 

"The father is Alex?" Arizona asked her, talking about the pregnancy that Meredith hadn't mentioned. If she had a dollar for how many colleagues she's caught pregnant, she'd probably be swimming in cash by now. That's what she's thinking as she stood beside Dr Grey's bed. Meredith simply shook her head. "What are you talking about? Alex isn't a father, that's absurd. I want to talk to Alex." She told her, feeling like nobody could hear her when she was speaking, like maybe she was talking in a language that nobody understood. 

Alex would normally ignore a page while he was scheduled for surgery, it wasn't the best thing to admit but it was the truth. He hadn't scrubbed in yet, which was why he had raced to almost the exact opposite end of the hospital, passing many of his peers, Jo included as he ran down the halls to the room Meredith was in. He took a few moments to collect his thoughts and catch his shaky breath. Arizona stepped out of the room, giving them privacy as she tried to figure out what scandals were going to come from this. 

Meredith's face lit up into a smile as she finally saw somebody with a sane mind, somebody who would listen to her when she spoke. She sat up, and watched as he came closer. "Finally somebody that can get me out of here." She said in relief as her friend came closer. Alex shook his head, and let out a silent chuckle under his breath. He had just ran across the hospital for this woman, and had no idea why. He picked up the chart Arizona had pinned to the end of her bed. He scanned over the writing, and looked across at Meredith, who was frowning at him, obviously upset that he wasn't helping her out of her bed. 

"You're pregnant?" He asked her, feeling his protective instincts taking over yet again. He knew she wasn't ready to move on, or at least not ready for this kind of commitment to someone who wasn't her husband. She was ready to start dating, not having a baby for goodness sake! He was going to kill whoever put her in this situation, knowing Meredith wasn't Cristina, she probably wouldn't abort no matter how difficult it made her life. She was stubborn like that, always wanting to take on challenges, even when they seemed impossible. 

Meredith squeezed the bridge of her nose in frustration, knowing the inevitable had to come out eventually. "I didn't know, I suspected but I had time to ignore it, but apparently this baby didn't want to give me that option." She said to him, feeling a little annoyed with her own body. She was just a little nauseous, she didn't need to be in a hospital bed, she was fine. 

Alex let out a sigh and sat himself down beside her on the bed. "Who did this? It wasn't that first date guy was it?" He questioned, remembering how angry he had been when that went down. He didn't want to have to give that jerk a piece of his mind again. 

Meredith shook her head. "I am not telling you who. That's not important, what's important is that I need to do something about this." She told him, resting her head down against his shoulder. 

He placed a hand over hers against her chest. A sigh escaped his lips as he was reminded of how stubborn she was, it drove him mad at the best of times. "It was somebody who I shouldn't have been with." She clarified, and he could tell she wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. He knew her better than anybody, this wasn't something she was withdrawing for the hell of it. "You don't do that to your sisters. You just don't." 

"You didn't get it on with Owen did you?" He asked, scrunching up his nose at that idea. He didn't think he could get that out of his mind if it were true, and honestly he didn't even want to know if it was. 

"No. I did not have sex with Owen." She retorted, shaking her head because that would be worse, ten million times worse. She knew that if she had slept with Owen, it would have ruined her relationship with both Amelia and Cristina forever. She wasn't that stupid, she was a little stupid but not stupid enough for that, obviously. "I don't think it's that important on the who, we need to figure out a what. What am I going to do?"


	2. Chapter 2

Maggie had no idea that Meredith had even ended up in a hospital bed, she had been in surgery alongside Nathan Riggs, the object of her affections. It was completely unprofessional, but she couldn't help the way she felt whenever he opened his mouth, or glanced her way. He was the one who told her afterwards, as she was removing her gloves, and scrubbing her tired hands mercilessly. 

"Your sister had quite a fall I hear." He had said to her, and Maggie had no idea what he was referencing, a frown fell across her brows. 

"What happened to Meredith?" She questioned as she dried off her hands, and forearms. 

"Last I heard she had fainted, probably been working too hard." He told her, shrugging his broad shoulders. He hadn't spoken to Meredith in almost a week, since she's been avoiding him like the plague, and honestly he could live with that, she was like a frightened kitten who would come around when she was ready, and probably pounce on him again. He could live with that. 

It didn't take Maggie long before she was rushing across the hospital in search of Meredith, the only family she really had at the moment. She was a little flustered when she finally found her, bending over to catch her breath, holding her finger up to assure both Meredith and Karev that she was okay, just needed a moment. 

Meredith simply smiled as she exchanged a glance with Alex who really wasn't surprised by the younger doctor's entrance, he knew it was only a matter of time before one of the sister's showed up. He had kind of bet on it being Amelia, which is why Meredith was laughing, since she'd put $5 against him on that. 

"Riggs said you'd fallen?" Maggie spoke, after catching her breath. She had since walked into the room, concerned look on her face. She was constantly fussing and Meredith found it annoying most of the time, but it was oddly endearing this time. 

"I didn't fall, I lost consciousness." Meredith clarified, as if that would change the severity of the situation. Maggie's mouth dropped open as if she was going to say something further, but she didn't, she just shook her head and sat down on her sister's other side. She could feel Karev's knuckles against her shoulder, as his arm was firmly embracing Meredith still, like she's seen him do a dozen times before. 

"Are you okay? I told you that you should be eating more, you're always on your feet and should really taken better care of yourself." Maggie continued to ramble, and Meredith used all the strength she had, to keep herself from kicking her. She still had no idea what she was going to do here, especially since she'd noticed the way the other woman's face had lit up just mentioning his name. 

"I eat." She responded, resting her head down on her sister's shoulder. She didn't want people fussing over her, but this felt oddly comforting. She knew in her heart that if Cristina were there, she'd probably offer her a shoulder too, before giving her advice, mostly advice that Meredith wouldn't listen to, but would feel comforted by all the same. 

Alex pressed a kiss to her forehead then, before pulling away, and slipping his coat back on. She followed him with her eyes, watching as he stalked out towards the door of her room, not saying a word, but his eyes didn't leave hers. "I'll come check on you soon." He promised, closing the door behind himself on the way out. 

"Is she okay?" A familiar voice interrupted his thoughts, he turned around to see Jo sitting across the hallway, arms folded over her chest. He groaned internally and rubbed his eyes out of frustration. He didn't need this right now. Things had been on edge for quite a while, and he really didn't need things to go overboard, not today of all days. He nodded his head, and walked away, turning back to see if she was coming with him. 

"You know you're allowed to be friends with her, I'm not that insecure." Jo told him as they walked towards the elevator together, she didn't know why he felt the need to be so secretive about Meredith, especially when he insisted that he was just friends with her. "I'm not going to be a bitch if she's sick, okay? You can talk to me about it. I'm your girlfriend Alex, don't ice me out..." She continued, and he just nodded along to her words, unable to come up with the appropriate response, he knew that no matter what he said it was going to come out wrong. He reached out instead and took hold of her hand, tugging on her fingers as a reassurance that things were going to be okay, at least he hoped so. 

Word had spread about Meredith throughout the day, by the time Alex had finished his shift, he was walking back to her room ready to take her home. Meredith had been visited by a large number of their colleagues, Bailey included. She didn't mind the company, but she would rather be out there working, she hated being off her feet, but Arizona had put her on bed rest for the rest of her shift, which was entirely infuriating and she couldn't even imagine what she's ever done to deserve that. When Alex walked in, she was already packed up, sitting on the edge of her bed in the dark. She looked up at him and smiled smally, watching as he reached for the light switch. "You want to know how many people have come in here today? And how many times I looked up thinking it would be you, and how many people disapointed me?" She asked him, and he simply shook his head.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex had his eyes glued to the television, watching a program that Meredith had never heard off. She dangled a bottle of tequila in front of him, from where she stood behind the couch. He tilted his head back swiftly, a front across his brows. "You're pregnant." He reminded her, and she rolled her eyes and huffed. "I'm pregnant, and you're on my couch. At least one of us deserves a drink." She pointed out, before walking around the furniture, and sitting herself down beside him. Her fingers remained curled around the neck of her bottle, and Alex glanced down at her hands. 

"Since when does sitting on a couch mean I need a drink?" He asked her as he took the bottle from her grasp. She chuckled at that, and cocked her head to the side, admiring him from where she sat. "Since you've been sleeping here the past few nights, and I assume that means you and your lady love aren't getting along." She hummed, raising an eyebrow as she waited for him to protest, or agree with her. She didn't know which was more likely. 

"We get along fine. Stop prying." He told her, taking a sip from the glass bottle. He didn't want to talk about his love life, he really didn't want that looming over them constantly. Meredith was a sore spot in his relationship already, he knew Jo would hate it if he started confiding in her. 

"It's not prying when you're friends." Meredith told him, watching him in envy as his face changed, the burn of the alcohol running down his throat, was a familiar feeling she knew so well, and missed in this moment. "Cristina wrote to me, an email. She's doing good." The words hung in the air for a moment, before Alex was turning to face her, his intrigue getting the best of him. "When's she coming to visit?" He questioned, knowing the two women often talked about it, but it had been years and nothing had become of it as of yet. 

"Didn't say. Probably doesn't want to make promises she'll only end up breaking." 

Alex listened to those words and wondered if Meredith was still talking about Cristina, or if there was something else going on in that twisted head of hers. He didn't take another sip, instead he capped the bottle and placed it on the coffee table. "I want to raise this baby with you." He told her, and Meredith erupted in laughter, finding that very scenario hilarious. She didn't want this for him, that was completely absurd. 

"No. I'm not doing that to you. You'll go play happy families with Jo again soon, and I'll be fine on my own. I do have three fatherless children you know? I'm not incompetent Alex." She shot at him, and Alex felt himself deflate slightly at the bite to her words. 

"You think I haven't tried playing happy families with her?" He asked her in frustration, feeling it rising inside of his chest. He wanted to take care of her, he's always wanted to take care of her, but rarely did she let him. Rarely would Meredith let him in, and it was painful to watch her struggle to keep up her superwoman act. She was capable of doing everything on her own, but that didn't mean she had to do it forever. Derek would never have let her, if he could have a say in what happened right now, Alex was sure that he would expect him to do whatever it took to look after her. "You said so yourself, it takes a village to raise a family. Yet you're not letting anybody into your village." 

"My village is closed for business, I don't need nosy neighbour's poking around in my barred up windows." 

Alex shook his head and placed a hand atop of hers. "Let me help you." His voice was filled with pain and desperation, Meredith didn't know how she was meant to respond, but she knew she still felt anger and frustration bubbling throughout her pregnant body. She longed for somebody to come and take her away, to take all of this away for just one day. She didn't believe in such things as being possible, but she wanted it regardless. She wished she had things simple, that she could just detach herself from things like Cristina, or have solutions like Alex. She knew that she would never be those people, never have life go easy on her. Not only was she widowed with three kids, she was also pregnant with a man she didn't love, a man who Maggie was head over heels for. Meredith didn't know what she was going to do about that at all. She knew she didn't want anybody else coming to her rescue. Alex was too kind for his own good, and she wasn't going to reward him for that. "Go home Alex." She told him, folding her arms over her chest firmly.

Alex rolled his eyes, and grabbed his coat from where it lay over the couch. He didn’t know where he was going, or if he would even make it out of the house. He went straight for the door, when Amelia walked in startled by him being in her way. “Why do you smell like booze?” She asked him, pulling away because the scent was intoxicating. She’s been around enough alcohol to last her a few life times already. Alex shrugged his shoulders and nodding back to where Meredith stood in the hallway. “Ask her.” He said coldly before he wandered outside into the cool breeze of the evening.


	4. Chapter 4

When Meredith Grey was back to work, she was back to being her old self. She took no nonsense from everyone trying to fuss over her, and certainly didn't let anybody get in the way of her surgeries. She was back scalpel in hand, ready to remove all problems, medical and otherwise. Maggie couldn't understand why Alex and Meredith haven't talked in over a week, but that's what was happening. It wasn't until she overheard Jo telling Edwards that Alex hasn't been home, did she start to worry. 

When she finally had a moment alone with Dr Karev, she wasted no time at all jumping into his business. "What happened with you and Mer?" She asked him straight away. He didn't have anywhere to go, since they were riding an elevator together. This was her plan all along of course, cornering him so he couldn't escape. 

Alex let out a heavy sigh, intending on ignoring her, but it wasn't Maggie's fault, it wasn't really anyone's fault at all. "She's pregnant and won't let me help. Same old story, I'm sick of her pushing me away so this time I'm not going to be the one chasing her." 

Maggie's eyes nearly fell from her skull, she didn't know how her sister had kept this secret under wraps, but apparently she had and now her mind was filled with a never ending list of questions, and she had no idea where to begin. Alex was busy staring at the buttons on the wall, wishing for the door to open. He knew he had said too much, he could practically hear the way Maggie's mind kept ticking inside of her head. 

"Does everyone know except me?" She asked him, scratching the side of her temple as she tried to figure all of this out. "I didn't even know that you are Mer were a thing, I thought you and Jo... Does Jo know? Because from the way she's been talking I don't think she knows. Is this an affair?" She gasped and cupped her hand across her own mouth. "You're having an affair with Meredith and I never even noticed." 

Alex stared at her wondering how she had jumped to that conclusion so quickly. He didn't have the heart to correct her, and honestly this was better than the truth. He knew the truth was only going to hurt her further. He just didn't know if it was worth hurting Jo in the process. "Don't go spreading that around." He told her, feigning annoyance. He wasn't about to lie to her, but he also didn't think it would hurt if Maggie kept this to herself. The chiming sound of the elevator arriving to it's destination made Alex let out a sigh of sweet relief. 

"Your secret is safe with me!" Maggie called out after him, wanting him to know that she wasn't going to blab. She had a moral dilemma on her hands now, knowing that she would be heart broken if her boyfriend was having an affair. For the rest of her shift, she tried her hardest to steer clear of Jo at all times. This was going to be tricky, and although she hated cheaters, she was going to give Meredith the benefit of the doubt, at least before she had a chance to talk to her about it. 

"You did what?" Meredith asked with a raised voice. Alex had pulled her into an empty on call room. They stood there in the darkness, as Alex had filled the other doctor in on the events of the elevator. Meredith was still mad at him, the other night had been eating away at her like a bacteria infection, and she didn't know how they were going to fix this. 

"No. This isn't happening, you're going to march up to her and tell her that we're not having an affair. Jo already hates me enough, do you want to add fuel to that fire? Because I sure don't." 

"What was I supposed to say? 'No we aren't having an affair but she slept with the guy you're drooling over' great options we have here Mer." He snapped, running his hands over his hair in frustration. 

Meredith rolled her eyes, knowing that he was right, but also believing that he was wrong. It was an internal battle and she didn't want to give up her stance. She was going to remain stubborn, because she didn't know how else to be. Alex's frustration was growing in front of her eyes. She watched as he pace the small dark room, trying to collect his thoughts. She let out a bitter chuckle as it all just hit her, Maggie thought they were together, she actually believed that her and Alex were a thing. It was hilarious to her, thinking about the growing list of people who thought they were screwing. Alex looked up from where he had been staring at the floor. "What's funny?" He asked her, his face softening as the words came from his mouth. 

She just shook her head and kept on laughing, all of her mixed emotions were filling her laughter, until she was in tears. The tears were from her laughter, the tears were amused tears until they weren't. Until she was sobbing into her own hands, because Alex was too far away. Her shoulders shook, and it only took a few seconds before his arms were wrapping around her. He held her until she couldn't breathe, and until she found her breath again. He held her until she was laughing once more, burying her face in against his warm chest. "I don't think I can do this on my own." She whispered, staring up at Alex made her feel like a little girl. She felt so small and he looked so big. Her heart was thrashing around in her chest, as the stresses pulsed through her brains. He leaned forward to press their foreheads together, and waited until her breathing was back to normal. "You can, and you're not alone." He whispered, and Meredith said nothing in return. All she could do was mull over those words in her cloudy mind. 

Alex moved back in the next morning, nobody said a word about it, Zola was happy moving boxes through the house, wanting to help Alex with his belongings. Meredith didn't even ask what had happened with Jo, since she knew that things would have been rather messy between the pair. She's only heard Alex's side of the story, how he said she had been with somebody else. Meredith didn't know what to make of those facts, since she knew that Jo was still leaving him messages, his phone was constantly lighting up with her contact filling the screen. 

It didn't occur to her how much Alex really did want to help, until later that afternoon when she watched him building cubby houses for Bailey out of his packing materials. She watched from the kitchen, a decaf in her hand. Amelia walked up beside her, wanting to see what she was staring at. "So you and Alex..." She asked, trailing off to test the waters. She knew Meredith had a temper, she could get snarky at any moment without warning. 

Meredith didn't yell at her, didn't even make a snarky comment. "He's a good person." She said softly, watching him, sincerity in her tone. She placed a hand over her belly before turning towards her sister. "We're having a baby." She said softly.


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith ran her fingers across her belly, it was still too soon to tell that she was with child, but as she lay there in her bathtub, she pressed in near her belly button, wondering how she’d gone from having difficulty getting pregnant, to now being on her third pregnancy. She slipped in underneath the pool of warm water, and stared up at the ceiling, wondering how long she could hold her breath this time, how long it would take before she was gasping for air. 

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted her experiment, she sat herself up quickly, not wanting to cause any alarm, since she was certain she hadn’t locked the door. “Who is it?” She called out, knowing it could possibly be Zola. It wasn’t Zola though, it was Maggie, and Meredith found herself feeling slightly disappointed as Maggie’s voice came through the door. “Mere? I was just wondering if you needed anything from the grocery store, Amelia and I are heading out.” She called through, pressing her face against the back of the door. 

“No, I’m fine.” Meredith shouted back. She looked down at herself in the tub, feeling dirty still. She didn’t enjoy being around her sister, knowing the truth, knowing whose child she had growing inside of her. It was a burden she had to bear, one that she was going to take to her grave. She knew that she had no right to bring Alex into this, and she was still on the fence about that, tempted to tell him to get out of her house, and to never return. It was her own selfishness that was keeping her from doing that. She liked the way it felt when he was right there beside her, when he was giving his all just to keep her afloat. She enjoyed that feeling, it was comfortable. Alex was her comfort blanket, Alex was hers and she didn’t like sharing him with Jo at all. Was she in love with him? Absolutely not. She just needed him in her life. 

Maggie didn’t say anything else, and Meredith was consumed by the silence once more. Her thoughts were loud enough to deafen her, her thoughts hurt more than the unnerving silence. She rested her head back against the porcelain tub, and closed her eyes tightly. She didn’t want to be in this situation, she wanted to grab the kids and run away, but she couldn’t do that to them, not again. She knew in her heart that she couldn’t be like her mother, couldn’t just run away from problems day after day. It was time for her to just exist through them and that thought alone scared her half to death. 

Alex was sitting in the doctor’s lounge, thinking about every piece of the puzzle that had led him to this moment. He couldn’t help but replay the conversation he had with Jo, over and over like a punishment. He had loved her, he had loved her until it hurt him, and now they’d hurt each other more times than he could count across his fingers. He was sitting there, head bowed as the memories surged. 

He had been standing in the door of their loft, Jo was sitting on their bed, wearing only one of his old t’shirts, and her underwear, a look that once would have made him smile, made him climb over her and kiss her until he couldn’t feel his lips any longer, now he just stared at her like she was a ghost from his past. It had hurt, his chest, it seemed to do that a lot lately. She was watching him waiting for his words to finally come out of his mouth. He had taken his time which only made things worse. 

“Meredith and I , we’re having a baby.” He had said to her, and the darkness that fell over his face was enough to make him want to punch a hole in their wall. He didn’t want to hurt anybody, he knew that his loyalty to protecting Meredith was a weapon, one that turned his girlfriend into a monster, a monster that he had created. She started throwing things at him, pillows, books, a phone. He took it all, he stood there and let her have at him, he did this. He had a choice in all of this. He chose to hurt people, he chose to hurt her, because he didn’t want to hurt Meredith. This was all on him, and he was going to take that responsibility. 

He didn’t tell Meredith about this, he didn’t tell anybody. He knew that Jo had though, the way her peers had all given him dirty looks, the way her friends had aggressively declined working with him on cases. He knew he was being shunned for what he did, but he also knew that he was doing the right thing in the long run. She could move on, she could be happy, and he would be happy too. 

Arizona sat down beside him, she grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She knew what it was like, she knew what cheating on someone did. She’s been there, she’s felt all the guilt, been on the receiving end of all the hatred your colleagues had for you. She’s also been in Jo’s position, where the person she loved most in the world, was having a baby with somebody else. “Hey dad, it’ll be okay.” She whispered, before pulling away, wanting to give him some space. Alex appreciated her support, he did. He just knew that she had no idea what was really going on, and he intended it to stay that way, he was taking this secret and casting it out into the ocean. He owed that to Meredith, at least that’s what he believed.


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith frowned as she stared at the screen, her best friend Cristina was busy laughing her ass off and Meredith wasn't finding this humorous at all. "It's not funny." She told her, but Cristina showed no mercy as she continued laughing. "I'm hanging up now." Meredith warned, knowing Cristina wouldn't hold it against her, but she would at least understand that Meredith wasn't playing. 

"I'm hanging up and you're going to have to stop laughing." She continued, obviously stalling. She didn’t want to end the phone call, she just wanted more control over the situation, she loved her best friend, her original sister, but Cristina wasn’t making her feel any better about any of this. Not at all. 

Cristina tried to contain herself the best she could. "I'm sorry, but you and Alex? Nobody is going to believe that." The very idea was so absurd she could barely hold herself together. 

Meredith sighed, she knew she was right, but a part of her wanted her to be wrong. She wanted to know that people could believe it. If she just believed they could, then maybe it would happen. This wasn't her idea, but it was the idea they were sticking to. It was the idea they were going to have to suck up and deal with. Maggie was already falling hook line and sinker, and maybe it was wrong to lie to your sister, maybe she was going to hell for that, but she would rather go to hell for protecting her, than to have her sister go through hell knowing the truth. 

The word had buzzed through the hospital and Meredith learnt to ignore it. She wouldn't let anybody ask about her personal life, and kept focusing on her cases instead. In surgery it was no different, her peers were looking for ways to dig around her business, but she would successfully deter their nosiness without fail. Jo was ignoring her, trying her hardest to keep away from the woman who stole her boyfriend, or whatever it was that she was gossiping to her friends about. Meredith was trying to keep away from their dramas, she wasn't going to bite when Jo baited her. 

"Mer." Alex called out in the hallway one afternoon. She turned around towards him, and let out a small sigh. "I told you, we have to avoid this kind of attention on ourselves. This is not avoiding, this is causing attention. You're causing attention Alex." She said to him. 

Alex looked at her as if he was trying to figure out if she was serious or not. He didn't ask, instead just kept talking as if she hadn't even spoken. "We need to talk about everything." He pointed out, reaching over to touch the tip of her elbow with his fingers. He knew things were tense, and a little awkward around the hospital now, but he was determined to make things right, even if it took a while. He wanted to look after her, for her to allow him. He was surprised that she was letting him get this far actually. 

"We can talk later. This is a working environment, you're either here because you're sick or hurt or you work here." She told him, not giving him a reaction to the light feathery touches against her own skin. She looked up into his eyes, he looked like a puppy, a puppy who hasn't been cuddled in a while. She let out a sigh and smiled up at him. "I promise I'll talk to you about anything you want, when we go home." She assured him, and Alex seemed unconvinced, but he nodded his head, and gave her arm a squeeze regardless. "I'll see you at home." He told her, before they were parting ways. 

Maybe it wasn’t fair the way Alex had been treating Jo, but he didn’t know what other way to go about it. When she spotted him leaving Meredith, she didn’t know what to do about it. He was walking right by her and she couldn’t pretend she hadn’t seen him with her, it was too late for that. He looked at her with pain filled eyes, and for a moment Jo wondered if he regretted it, if he had second thoughts about cheating on her. She didn’t say anything though, instead they locked eyes for a moment, before Alex was walking away. She turned back to where Meredith was slowly emerging from that same room. She didn’t look like a woman who had just finished a quickie, although she wasn’t even sure that Meredith would screw Alex right in the same building as her, even Dr Grey wasn’t that horrible, surely. 

“He cares about you a lot.” Jo found herself speaking, and Meredith looked up at her in alarm, she hadn’t expected Jo to acknowledge her at all, she hadn’t expected the younger woman to want anything to do with her, especially not to talk about Alex. 

“You don’t know the half of it.” Meredith responded, wondering if Jo would understand if she did know the whole story, she didn’t want to find out though, she couldn’t risk having a third party know about her secret, even if it did mean hurting someone like Jo, a mere casualty in her mess of twisted secrets and lies.   
Jo didn’t speak after that, instead she turned on her heel and walked away. She had patients to tend to, and honestly she didn’t have time to waste on how much she wanted to yell at Dr Grey, how much she wanted to scream until her lungs hurt. This wasn’t going to go away, the aching in her chest, but she was going to move on with her life, if Alex was the type to cheat on her, she didn’t really need him now did she?


	7. Chapter 7

Appointment after appointment, there Alex sat beside her bedside. It was awkward at first for Meredith, knowing the truth that nobody else would understand. Alex has never seen her with her knees up, and legs spread - although that was the narrative they were going for. She made it abundantly clear to him that for those first few appointments, that he was to keep his eyes on her face at all times, if not on the floor or anywhere that didn't involve her vagina. He wasn't exactly impressed by being told what to do, but what else was he meant to do in this situation? Nothing. That's what Meredith kept reminding him. 

"Everything seems to be going perfectly." Arizona told the pair, the loving parents of this unborn child, that's what she thought she was looking at, as Meredith patted Alex on the chest in affection, that's all Arizona needed to see in order for her to believe them as a couple. "If you have anymore questions, you can come to me - or Alex. I know you've done this before, but baby brain can strike without warning." She reminded the pair, a big smile across her pink glossy lips. It almost made Meredith want to throw one of her instruments right at the blonde's face. She shouldn't be the cheerful one in this situation, it should be her the mother. 

"No questions. We don't have questions." She assured her, before she was climbing off the stirrups, and walking over to grab her clothes. She didn't want to be in this paper gown any longer, it was uncomfortable, and honestly she didn't want Alex seeing her ass, even though he knew that if he was caught taking a peek - she could do some damage. 

"We're fine." Alex agreed, walking out to the door himself, he stopped first and pressed a kiss to Meredith's forehead before he was walking out into the hall, ready to face the rest of his day. 

It had been a few nights before when they'd had their first major blow. Alex has been living in her house, but she's been making him sleep in the spare room. Neither Amelia nor Maggie had said a thing about it, although they were both pretty sure Meredith's "it will confuse the children" excuse was probably a lie. They didn't know what she was lying about, but they both were sure that there was something going on in that head of hers. 

The barney wasn't entirely unprovoked, and maybe her hormones were to blame, but Alex stood his ground regardless. She had been screaming at him because he didn't agree with what she had been saying, she wanted to see another doctor, thinking that Arizona would find out their secret and it would be the end for them both. She knew they couldn't come back from something like this, even if it was still early on in their lie. 

Alex was stubborn at the best of times, so he really wasn't backing down. Maggie had been downstairs trying to distract the kids, but honestly she had no idea what they had or hadn't heard. The argument ended with Meredith slamming her bedroom door, and Alex walking down stairs to cool off. He stopped to glance into the living room, where the little ones were watching TV, but apart from that he didn't have much to do with any of them until the following morning. 

When Meredith was fully dressed again, she stopped to think about what she had gotten herself into. Maybe an abortion would have been easier, maybe Cristina was right about that, but she's never really been one to want to just pretend that she had never been pregnant, she didn't think she could focus on anything other than the fetus that might have made her feel whole again. It was silly, she knew that but she's been feeling something missing ever since she lost Derek. She loved her children more than anything else, but she still felt a hole where her heart once was. 

She didn't know why, but she soon found herself in the gallery, watching over a surgery she didn't have any interest in, she was barely watching the scene in front of her eyes, only that she was watching Nathan working and wondering if her child would look at all like him. She didn't know what kind of person would do this, keep a baby from their own flesh and blood, all she knew was that it would be too messy. The truth was just too complicated and she didn't think it was fair for any of them for it to come out. It wouldn't be fair on Alex - who gave up everything for her. It wouldn't be fair on Maggie - who would be hurt more than Meredith could imagine. It wouldn't be fair on Nathan - who would be having a child with a woman who didn't love him at all. She didn't want that scenario, she would run if she had to, but she wasn't going to put anybody through that situation. Even if it did mean she was going to have to live with the guilt of it for the rest of her life.

All she could think about here was how this was something her own mother would do, she could just imagine Ellis Grey having to make these same choices. A bitter laugh escaped from her lips before she realised she was no longer alone. 

"I haven't seen you up here in a long time." The voice of Richard Webber interrupted her messy thoughts. She shrugged and looked across at him. 

"Everyone's been telling me to take it easy, so here I am sitting down and watching." She responded, feeling like maybe her bitter undertone was a little too harsh, and less of an undertone by now. 

"Your mother hated it too. Being told to take it easy when she was pregnant." He told her, confirming her biggest fear. 

"Kick a girl while she's down. Telling her she reminds you of her mother." She snorted, shaking her head again. She ran her fingers through her hair before tying it up in a messy pony tail. That stung to her, being compared to her mother had always been a sore spot, but now that she realised it was truer than she ever imagined, it hurt more than anything. 

"I wasn't trying to kick you Meredith." He spoke but she was hardly there, feeling like a ghost who was barely in the room at all. He kept talking, trying to explain his intentions but she could hardly breathe, let alone muster up enough energy to register anything he was saying anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

She had tried to her best ability to keep her distance from him, but it was beginning to become less of a coincidence and more of an obvious avoidance. Nathan knew she didn’t want him around so he wasn’t trying to push anything just yet, he didn’t know where he would even start. They’d slept together, they’d had a great time and yet suddenly she’s shacking up with Karev, and having his baby? He knew that she told him not to get attached, but he had no idea that she actually meant it.

“You and Karev are moving fast.” He commented one day as they were both working on the same patient. She would have preferred to have Maggie on the case, but her dear little sister was too busy with all of her other cases, she just had to grin and bear it for as long as it took to get out of this awkward scenario. 

“That’s not remotely close to being your business.” She told him as they walked into patient’s room together, Nathan just shook his head, he hadn’t exactly expected anything else from her, she was Meredith after all. 

The tension was still hanging in the room as he explained the procedure, but he doubted that anybody else would have picked up on that vibe, especially not a patient who had no knowledge of their hook up, or anything else going on between them, or any other doctors. 

When they were leaving the room again, he couldn’t hold his tongue anymore. “I just need to know, was it before or after us?” He questioned her, not bringing himself to mention the pregnancy directly yet. By then the whole hospital was well aware of Meredith and Alex’s affair, some didn’t care either way, others were happy for them – except for those who were on Jo’s side of the equation who were furious with both members of the happy couple. Nathan’s kind of enjoyed not having the attention on himself, he didn’t want to be on that kind of a scandal, not even if it meant he and Meredith had been an actual couple at some point. 

Meredith’s whole body seemed to change at his words, it was so subtle that he thought he had surely been imagining it. She didn’t speak straight away, keeping her eyes on where they were walking instead. “It was after, I told you that it was a onetime thing. Alex and I, he’s my person.” She said with a forced smile, it wasn’t that what she had said was completely untrue, she knew that her and Alex were closer than anything, bar her relationship with Derek and Cristina, but it was a lot harder to have them in her life now. So Alex was the man for the job, and she was very grateful for that. 

“Your person?” He asked, finding the term rather strange, he’s never heard a grown woman use that phrasing before.   
“Do you need me to explain those words to you?” Meredith asked him, giving him a ‘come on’ look that made him feel like laughing. “And by the way there was no ‘us’ so you need to stop saying that.” She said to him, her words weren’t unkind though, and he appreciated it when she reached over to give his arm a gentle squeeze.   
“Well congratulations on the baby, I don’t think I’ve had a chance to say that to you yet.” He said to her awkwardly, feeling like a bit of an idiot now, since it’s been general knowledge for weeks by then. 

She smiled and pulled away, glad that things hadn’t gotten messy between them, she really didn’t need one more person making her life hell around in Grey Sloan, Jo had that part covered already. 

Alex raised an eyebrow at the pair as they started walking their separate ways, neither one had seen him watching, but Jo had. She walked closer to him, holding her case file in her hand. “Trouble in paradise?” She asked him, hoping that maybe there was, although she was still hurt by him and Meredith, she still loved him, that wasn’t something you could just shake yourself out of overnight. 

“What are you talking about?” He frowned, trying to shrug her words off of him. He didn’t know what she was playing at, but more importantly he didn’t know what Meredith was playing with either. 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” She said, staring at the frown that still took over his face, he tried to soften his face, tried to forget about the small pang he had felt in his chest a moment ago. 

Jo raised her hands in defence, and didn’t want to cause more trouble than she already had, she had simply wanted to sus out what was going on, she knew there was something off about Alex and Meredith suddenly becoming a couple, and she was certain it wasn’t because of the baby either. She had no proof or clear reasoning for anything fishy to be happening, it was simply a feeling in her gut, and she had no idea what it meant or how she was going to prove it either way. “Look, let’s just have a truce. We were a couple, and now we aren’t. Doesn’t mean we can’t work together right?” She asked, handing him over her case file. Alex eyed her quizzically and started to skim read her patient’s file.   
The patient was a baby who needed constant surgeries, and she knew that this was going to be hard for him to say no to. He nodded, of course he did. He was going to work on the case with her, there was no reason not to.


	9. Chapter 9

Pregnant Meredith laid sprawled across her sofa, one hand buried in her packet of Doritos, the other being licked clean of the chocolate she had already devoured. Usually in her times or stress and crisis she would be swigging on a bottle or wine, or downing shots of tequila in her bedroom. "Screw you medicine." She thought to herself, cursing whoever it was who discovered that alcohol and babies don't mix. 

Alex was asleep in her bed, because Maggie was starting to get suspicious about their sleeping arrangements, he had offered to sleep on the floor, but really that wasn't something she was going to make him do. It was growing harder as the weeks went by, harder for them to pretend that they were a couple, and that this baby was something more than just a surprise bundle from hell. 

That wasn't to say that she didn't love her unborn child, she did and she always would. It was complicated, even more complicated than her sister wanting to go on a double date with her and Alex. Riggs as her plus one. 

That was not going to happen, she'd already used her foetus as an excuse, but Maggie wasn't letting her off that easily. 

No of course not. 

She's invited him round for dinner, and there was nothing Meredith could do about it. 

Alex groaned when she sat down at the end of the bed. He was quite a grump when he was woken up, she didn't care though, she needed him awake and thinking of excuses. 

"He's coming here." She said to him, looking over at Alex, who was trying to shield himself from the lights. He had no idea what she was talking about, and really he was just trying to wake himself up now that Meredith had started the job for him. "Who?" He asked eventually, sitting himself up against the pillows. 

"Nathan." She answered quickly as if he wasn't paying attention to her, he let out a small chuckle at the look on her face, and Meredith ignored that of course, right now wasn't the time for laughter. "This is serious, what are we going to do?" She asked him, nudging his arm as she moved herself to lay beside him. "We are not those kind of people, we don't do double dates, especially not at our own house." 

"Why is he coming here then?" Alex asked her, drowning because he was still completely lost, and honestly Meredith's questions weren't helping at all. 

"My sister wants to date him." She answered, thinking about how she really should have kept it in her own pants. 

"And why does she need us for that?" He asked, finding the whole think absurd right now. It didn't help that he'd stayed up all night and only had a few hours sleep thanks to this interruption. 

"Because she has a crush and she is acting like a teenager. This is what teenagers do, they ask their friends on their dates. Even though we are not her friends." Alex zoned out as the woman beside him kept talking on and on about Maggie and Nathan. He knew things were complicated, but as far as everyone was concerned, this baby was theirs and they had nothing to worry about. 

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked when he had climbed off the bed. He pulled his shirt up over his head before turning back. "I'm having a shower, if we have to do this dinner thing I'm going to need to not smell like an OR room." 

The four adults sat opposite each other at the dinner table. Maggie had gone to the effort to decorate the dining table, candles provided the only source of light, and Meredith thought it might actually be romantic if this were a real date. Alex was on his best behaviour, actually talking to Nathan so Meredith didn't have to. "More wine?" She asked the other's before pouring herself some of the children's apple juice into her own glass. 

"Mmmm yummy." She hummed, trying to be polite, despite wishing she was vegging out on the sofa again. 

"You know I didn't even know you two were a couple, and now you're having a child together." Nathan said soon after. The question felt like it was burning into Meredith's chest, she placed a hand over Alex's and smiled. 

"Well you know you can't help who you fall for." She said with a big faux smile. Alex wrapped his fingers around her wrist, and pressed a kiss to her temple. "The baby wasn't planned. It just sort of happened..." he added as he turned back towards the other couple. He didn't know why Nathan was acting like this but he didn't appreciate it at all. 

"I guess not." Nathan said softly, his eyes looking right at Meredith as he said it.


	10. Chapter 10

There was a moment where nobody spoke; the only sounds in the room were from cutlery clashing against plates. Meredith didn’t enjoy awkward silences, but she sure didn’t want to make conversation. This dinner wasn’t her idea, nor did she want to encourage it. She didn’t dare make eye contact with Nathan, who was still trying his hardest to find something off about her and Alex; she leaned back against Alex who sat beside her, moving her shoulder in against his chest before letting out a faux yawn. 

“You’re tired.” Maggie said to her, feeling bad that she was keeping her sister up. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise we’d be up this late.” She didn’t look sorry, and Meredith pursed her lips unintentionally. 

“It’s fine.” Meredith insisted, although she felt dirty for playing this card, she placed a hand on her belly and hid another yawn with her other hand. “Just because I’m tired doesn’t mean your evening has to end.” Although if she were being honest she really wanted it to end before secrets started pouring out. 

Nathan tried to protest, but Alex stood up to help Meredith out of her chair. She wasn’t that pregnant yet, and under different circumstances she might have told him off for it. This time she was glad he was being overly caring. 

By the time they were upstairs she let out a belly load of air she had been holding in, a sigh that was well overdue. “That’s never happening again.” She told Alex, who was now leaning against the wall. He shook his head and let out a chuckle.

“What’s with that guy, does he have a sick thing for sisters or what?” He asked her, and Meredith rolled her eyes to that. 

“Trust me he wasn’t the one who initiated this pairing.” She said with another sigh, she knew he had felt more for her than she felt for him, but she still felt bad letting her sister fawn over him and making him feel like he had to say yes to these dates with her. At least that’s what she thought was going on, that he felt bad for her. 

“Even so, he’s the one sitting at your dinner table with a girl who seemed like she was too happy for us to leave them alone together...” His voice sounded light, but she couldn’t help but wonder if she detected something else in his tone.

Meredith frowned at him momentarily as she thought about that. Maggie and Nathan together wouldn’t work, it couldn’t. She didn’t want them getting serious, when people were serious they didn’t keep secrets and she needed Nathan to keep this secret. 

“Mere, you okay?” Alex’s voice sounded so far away but as she looked up at him he was standing closer than ever. She nodded and took the last few steps towards her bedroom. She needed to sit down, to clear her head, this dinner was supposed to be something she did for her sister, something she smiled and beared, but it was soon turning into something that made her think way too much.

He followed her in, scared because she looked like she’d just seen a ghost, the colour in her face was almost completely gone. It scared him, but not as much as the future did.  
As she swung her legs over onto her mattress, her eyes travelled upwards to meet his. She knew then how selfish she was being, how she had let Alex mess up his life for her yet again.

In the past few months of his relationship with Jo, she knew how Jo felt about their closeness, how she thought Alex spent more time making sure she was okay over his own girlfriend. At the time she didn’t care, but now it was apparent to her how selfish she could be. “You don’t have to do this anymore Alex, I’m going to give you an out, you don’t have to take it but if you love her, you should. I can handle this lie on my own, I don’t need to ruin your life in the process.” She told him, and Alex didn’t know how to react. He remained standing there beside his best friend’s bed without a single word forming between his lips. 

He wondered what would have happened if he’d never agreed to this, it’s only been a few months but he’s already made this is life, it was his truth now and he didn’t know how to reverse it. He turned back towards the door before looking at Meredith, who was still waiting for him to speak. He walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind himself.  
His breath hitched in his throat as his thoughts began to speak. His feet decided for him as he walked towards the staircase. He could hear the voices echoing from the kitchen, and he didn’t know where he was going or what he was about to do; only that he’s never felt more confused than ever.

Meredith didn’t want to know what was going to happen next, all she could think about was how messy things were about to get for her. Granted she had nobody to blame but herself, why did she let her vagina win over her better judgment? She should have learnt from her past, where she’d done some pretty dodgy things under the influence of her lady business. 

All she could bear was to lie back against her pillows and try to clear her mind. She thought about work, about her patients and the surgeries she had lined up in the next few days, that’s what was important to her. Her children and her job, men were too hard in every sense on the word.


	11. Chapter 11

“I never would have pictured them together, but now that it’s a real thing it’s still hard to wrap my head around it.” Maggie told him, Nathan had been the one to mention the couple, but she was happy to weigh in her own opinion. She didn’t really have anybody to talk about it with anymore. Amelia lived with Owen, and Meredith wasn’t an option obviously. “I think as long as they’re committed to their child, who are we to judge them?” She said this part with a smile on her face, the whole best friends to lovers thing was really sweet to her, it reminded her of a movie or a fairytale. 

Nathan seemed to take her words in, so Maggie was quite happy to change the topic and start talking his ear off, the natural ability to ramble on and on was both a blessing and a curse in situations like these. 

Her voice carried throughout the house, luckily not loud enough to wake the children, or disrupt Meredith who was still sitting prepped up by her pillows, she was sitting in the dark still trying to figure out what she was going to do now. There were millions of thoughts plaguing in her mind, ranging from what Derek would think, to how her mother would point out how much she’s failed lately. 

She barely noticed the light from the hallway that slowly crept into the room. She had believed that Alex was long gone, on his way to reconcile with Jo like she’d told him to do. That’s what he’s supposed to do and maybe that wasn’t entirely what she wanted, but that’s what was right. 

He sat down beside her on the mattress, and she let out a sound of surprise. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Her voice creaked out like the sound of someone opening the trunk of her car. He didn’t say anything at first, and she hated that, why was he making her think so hard? “I mean it. You should be with Jo, who you actually love and should be with.” She continued, not knowing if she was trying to make excuses or trying to convince them both of something that mightn’t be true anymore. 

Alex knew that a part of him still cared for her, but too many things had changed in the past few months. It started with the arguments over Meredith, and ended with him choosing Meredith over her, and he knew that was the one thing Jo was scared of, and he made her fears come true. He promised they wouldn’t but they did, and he didn’t think he could come back from that. It took him weeks to forgive himself, weeks of drowning himself in work and in this baby.

So when Meredith had given him the option to take it all back, to give himself a chance to change the past. It took him less than half a trip down the stairs before he knew.  
He knew he didn’t want to leave this reality, to leave this baby, this family. He didn’t want to leave her. That seemed like the least sane option out of them all, to choose the lie out of all the other options, to pick to stay in the drama instead of using his get out of jail free card. 

Listening to the way Maggie had described everything, and the way Nathan tried to hide the bitterness in his tone. It wasn’t a movie moment where he ran back to her room and everything was one big happy ending. 

He didn’t expect it to be like that at all. He sat there beside his best friend without saying a word – because he didn’t know which words to say, not at first anyway.  
He listened as Meredith poured out excuses for him to leave. He listened to her because he knew what she was doing, she was scared. Meredith was always a ticking bomb who destroyed things in her path, that’s how she saw herself anyway. He knew that about her, and he knew this would come sooner or later. She was bound to push him away, to try and convince them both that she was fine with doing this all alone, she wasn’t. He knew that too. 

“Will you ever shut up?” He asked after a full five minutes of her trying to fix is old relationship, he didn’t need Meredith to fix his life for him, he needed her to let him live his life the way he wanted to. 

She didn’t like hearing those words, but her mouth closed as she looked to him suddenly. It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard him say that to her before, she had many times. Alex didn’t hold back when he wanted to, especially not something PG like telling her to stop talking. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t have any defence against that. She really had been talking too much, and probably stopped making sense a minute or so back.

“I don’t want out of this. I’m here for the long haul, even if you think you’re cupid, you’re really not. If you were cupid you’d know you were barking up the wrong tree...” He told her, moving his glance to the ceiling this time, feeling comfort in the darkness as he made himself comfortable in the bed next to her. 

Meredith let out an almost inaudible snort, she lowered her body down so she was laying beside him, hand rested against her pregnant belly. She didn’t make a peep when Alex placed his hand over hers, giving her fingers a squeeze. Maybe she didn’t deserve a friend like Alex, maybe she didn’t deserve a friend half as good as Alex, but she was glad as hell that he was sticking around. 

“Goodnight Mere.” His voice came out softer than usual and Meredith’s lips upturned into a gentle smile, she let out a content sigh as his body filled the gap between them, his lips leaving a peck against her hair.


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith, Alex and Maggie all sat in a row of exhaustion. The mall was buzzing all around them, but the three of them looked like they'd just run a marathon. "Why do babies need so much stuff? It's not like they do much and they're so small. Who needs that much stuff?" Maggie asked, looking between Alex and Meredith who were sitting either side. 

"They puke and poop a lot. You'd be surprised." Meredith answered, a hand on her newly obvious belly. It's not like she needed to buy a whole lot more, she had most of Ellis and Bailey's hand me downs, but her sister had twisted her arm into coming. 

Alex chuckled down the line, he's worked with hundreds of tiny babies in his time, but never been on this side of it before. He didn't know what half the crap did or why you needed all of it. 

"Who wants food?" Meredith asked soon after. They'd all been sitting there together for half an hour, which was the opposite of why they had come down here in the first place. She was hungry, and honestly at this point she didn't care if the others weren't, she was going to get herself a burger.

Her cell phone rang as soon as she had manoeuvred herself onto her feet. It was Amelia calling of course, she's already phoned half a dozen times already. "Hello?" She answered reluctantly. This was the first time she'd actually accepted the call, and she knew her sister in law wasn't going to appreciate that. 

"Maggie told me you were going baby shopping. I swung by your house and you'd already left, and then I thought maybe you'd wait for me at the baby store, but I wasn't sure which one so I went to all the ones I know, but none of them had you. So where are you?" The explosion of words erupted down the line and Meredith had to control her urge not to listen. She loved her, it was strained and a little awkward at times, but Amelia was family and she did love her, she just didn't know how to deal with her. 

"We're going to get burgers. You should come." She responded, looking over her shoulder back to Alex, who was busy on his own phone. 

They did actually wait for her this time, despite Meredith's impatience and her growling stomach. The four of them sat together in a booth, Alex beside Meredith, still checking his phone every few moments. Meredith thought he must be trying to reconcile with Jo, but of course she couldn't know for sure, not with her sisters within earshot. 

"You know I never really understood the whole Merlex thing..." Amelia spoke up. They were all finally chowing down on their lunches, and the comment actually made Alex focus on something other than his phone. 

"The hell is a Merlex?" He asked before wiping ketchup from his chin. 

Amelia laughed and looked between the couple sitting opposite her. "You know, Meredith, Alex. Merlex." 

Maggie gasped. "Oh I get it! That's pretty clever. I wonder what it would be for me and Nathan..." 

Meredith stiffened beside Alex, who was the only person who noticed. He spoke up trying to get rid of the Nathan tension in the air. "Who calls us that anyway? We're not some twilight characters.." 

Amelia shrugged. "You know, a few of the nurses, interns. I don't know like everybody?" 

Alex shook his head. "Why? It's not like we were a thing before now.."

She smirked and tilted her head a little at that. "Trust me, you were a thing before now. Ever since I've been here, some people have talked the talk. I mean obviously not when she was married, they wouldn't have dared spoken about that when I was around, but I've heard it all." 

The very thought of this upset Meredith, who was still very protective of her husband and their relationship. "Good to know everybody likes gossiping about married people so much." She said coldly, not feeling at all like eating her burger. It was funny how quickly you could lose an appetite. She almost felt like pulling away from Alex who was still sitting rather close to her. 

Amelia didn't know what can of worms she had just opened, but even she knew better than to keep talking. 

Later than evening Alex watched as Meredith rushed around her room. She had decided that her closet needed sorting right then and there, he didn't know why bit he had learnt not to question it. She was busy muttering to herself, a few times she had walked out to say something directly to him, only to change her mind. 

"You know what I hate?" She asked him, and he looked up at her wondering if she was going to cancel the conversation before he had a chance to engage again. 

She stared at him when he didn't answer, waiting for him to acknowledge that she was speaking to him. She looked as though she was about to repeat herself. 

"Me?" He asked sarcastically. 

"No." She sighed and shook her head in annoyance. "I hate that everyone is just out there having their own stupid thoughts about us. They think they know what's going on, but they don't. They think they predicted us happening as if it was something that was bound to be." She said, her words scrambling a little as she tried to get them all out. She sat down beside him, her feet aching from all the walking she's done. 

"Who cares what they think? It doesn't change anything." He pointed out, choosing not to be offended by her distaste of them being a couple. He didn't care really, they weren't actually together anyway. This was all because he didn't know how to leave Meredith to her own destruction, and she didn't know how to keep it in her pants. 

"It changes everything Alex." She complained, and maybe it was her pregnancy making her this way, but her heads felt messy and she didn't like that feeling at all. 

"I don't want that for you. I want you to have a real family, a real relationship, something like that with me is a lie. This is a lie." She said it as though he didn't already know, as if he hadn't been the one who started this very lie. 

"It's not all a lie. You are my real family. You and the kids? You're my family. What's a lie about that?" He asked, feeling defensive all of a sudden. 

"You don't want a widow with four kids, you don't want someone who has already been married and already done all the milestones. You don't want to be with someone, without actually being with them." She shot back, wondering why he would even agree to this mess, why he would want to help her, when all she ever did was mess up. She was broken goods and he knew that better than anybody. 

"You can't tell me what I want." They were both so stubborn. And although Maggie couldn't hear what they were saying, she could hear the commotion from down stairs, the happy couple they were pretending to be weren't so happy after all.


	13. Chapter 13

"I told you I'm fine." Meredith complained. She's over worked herself during her rounds, and ended up with a nasty case of dehydration. If she worked any place other than a hospital, maybe she would have gotten away with it, but Arizona wasn't letting her off that easily. 

She sat up on her hospital bed, drip leading into her arm. She hated this, absolutely hated being a patient. It felt so constricted and completely put her into one of her bad moods. Alex had been paged, but it had been fifteen minutes and he still hadn't shown up. This just made her even more upset. Maybe she really wanted to see him, maybe she thought he would get her out of bed. She didn't know which was more correct but she did know every second he didn't show up, the crankier she felt. 

When Alex did eventually turn up, it had only been 25 minutes since he'd been paged. He'd finished in a surgery which explained the delay, but Meredith was still in one of her moods. It didn't help that her baby loved laying on her bladder at night, which made sure she got no sleep at all. That's why the mood was so dark, she was running on no sleep. "There you are." She said as she shot up into a seated position. Alex nodded grimly as he wandered further into the room. He had closed the door behind himself, allowing them a little privacy.

"I had surgery." He answered, in a mood himself. He's had such a long morning, and really it was still very early. He had so many stresses to worry about that everything work related just made his head spin. Luckily for him, it seemed like some of his cases were going to work out alright, which was amazing news when you worked with tiny humans. 

Meredith frowned, but she expected as much. "You didn't have to come." She told him, although just a few moments ago that's all she had wanted him to do. 

"We're having a kid, it's not like I would leave you here all by yourself." He reminded her, moving to take a seat beside her bed. 

"We're not having a kid. I'm having a kid. When you get to shove a human out of your vagina give me a call." She snapped, hardly able to look at him now. 

Alex just rolled his eyes, he knew she was moody but this was just ridiculous. His voice raised a little when he spoke again. "Fine. You know what? Maybe I won't come next time I'm paged about you because clearly you're just going to push me away like you do to everybody else." 

"Fine." She quipped, her arms folded neatly over her chest. She didn't want to fight with Alex, she didn't want to fight with anybody. It just hurt her knowing that she was the one who made him apart of this mess, of all of her messes. She was responsible for his part in her messy life. It wasn't fair, and she was taking it out on him, the wrong person. 

"You want me to go and get your boyfriend?" Alex asked after a long pause of silence. Meredith turned to look at him, her face softened at the hint of truce in his tone. 

"He's not my boyfriend." She said firmly, shaking her head. 

This made Alex start to smile again, knowing how his teasing could drive her up a wall. "Well you're having his baby. What else do I call him?" He asked, moving over so Meredith was in arms reach. 

She rolled her eyes fiercely and reached out to grab him by his wrist. "My mistake?" She offered, causing Alex to chuckle. 

The pair stared at each other for a moment. Meredith held one hand against her belly, the other held onto Alex as if she were scared he would leave her alone. He didn't, he wasn't going to. He just stayed there with her, not saying a word because he didn't have to. 

He left for a few hours to tend to his patients, and although Meredith was back to her hydrated self, Bailey had made it very clear that she wasn't allowed to work again that day. Meredith didn't let that stop her though. She wore plain clothes and followed Edwards around like her own personal puppy, a puppy that critiqued her every move and made sure Edwards didn't have a second to herself the entire rest of shift. 

"She's not riding you too hard is she?" Alex asked Edwards later that same afternoon. She turned to look at Meredith, before giving Alex a fake grin. 

"I've been ridden harder." She told him. Meredith pretended to gag in the background. She wasn't too impressed by Alex needing to check on her, but at least he wasn't Bailey, who would have yelled at her for disobeying her orders of bed rest. 

"Edwards is fine, we're fine. You don't have to check up on us." She told her partner in crime. "We are perfectly fine." She kept repeating as if he hadn't heard her the first couple of times. 

He raised his hands in defence, finding it quite amusing actually. He knew Meredith better than anybody, so he was well aware of her reaction before he'd even made a move. "Alright. Well I'll see you at home then." He said to her, leaning across to give her a peck on the lips. This was to get her to shut up of course, but Edwards didn't know that, and Meredith certainly wasn't expecting it. 

Her eyes widened, but Alex's head was in the way of anybody seeing that. She didn't have a point of reference that told her what to feel about this, did she like it? Did she hate it? She had no idea. It was hard to even find the words to explain this to her. "Right. Home." She spluttered, losing her train of thought.


	14. Chapter 14

Alex walked into the Grey residence the same way he would any other evening. He kicked off his shoes and began unbuttoning his shirt. By the silence hanging in the air he assumed the kids were all asleep. His steps were soft, not wanting to wake up the children. He almost jumped from fright when he finally noticed Meredith sitting alone in the dark. Her arms were folded neatly against her chest, and she looked pissed.

"What are you doing up?" He asked her quietly, figuring he would start off gently. He didn't know why she was mad now, he never knew. Her pregnancy moods were too unpredictable lately.

"You kissed me." She said sourly, not giving up on her scowl. She felt angry at him, how dare he kiss her? How dare he!

"So?" He asked, obviously clueless as to why she would be upset about that. Everybody already thought they were screwing, he didn't think a two second peck was going to do any further damage.

"So? You kissed me. You put your lips on mine and kissed me." She expanded her trail of thought, wanting Alex to get what she was so annoyed about.

He shrugged again before sitting down on the other sofa. They didn't always see eye to eye, so this wasn't exactly a surprise to him. "I kissed you, and we're having a baby. Big deal..."

Meredith finally unfolded her arms and moved forward. She lowered her voice and sighed. "You didn't ask, you just kissed me. I didn't know kissing was a thing we did now." She said, sounding vulnerable and confused. The frown across her brows made Alex feel almost bad for the kiss happening. It hasn't been a grand gesture, just a simple peck and he hadn't even thought about what it could mean, or why it had upset her like this. Maybe it was a pride thing, how Meredith didn't like being caught off guard.

"I'm sorry okay? I didn't know it would upset you this much. It's just a kiss. Didn't mean anything." He promised her, reaching out to give her hand a quick squeeze. He waited until she was looking up at him before giving her a gentle smile. "Have you eaten? I was thinking of making some toast." He offered, but she just shook her head, toast wasn't what she craved right now. 

She groaned and buried her face in amongst the sofa’s arrangement of cushions, ignoring the fact that they smelled of children’s snacks, and probably hadn’t been washed in months. 

She could hear Alex fumbling around in the kitchen, looking for ingredients for whatever it was he was trying to cook up for himself. She thought about how she still had so many things to do before the end of the week, and how suffocating that felt to her. 

When Alex looked over towards the living room, he saw Meredith peeking over the back of the furniture. He smiled and slipped a fallen piece of meat into his mouth. He wasn’t the best at making grilled sandwiches, but he was hungry so he didn’t care about precision. 

“You are so stupid.” Meredith told him, shaking her head. Her words weren’t about his eating habits, or his intelligence. She wasn’t even certain that those words were even aimed at him. She just felt like everything they were doing was stupid. She could hardly breathe without feeling like everything was all wrong. 

Why were they dancing to this tune? 

She was having another man’s baby, a man that isn’t Derek, and certainly isn’t Alex, yet there he was in her kitchen being stupid. She found herself walking towards him, the sounds of her footsteps echoed and overpowered the sizzling from the sandwich press. She stood in front of him, staring up at Alex’s big stupid face. “You are so stupid.” She repeated.

“You’re stupid.” Alex retorted with a snort. He looked back towards his sizzling sandwich before returning his previous glance. 

“We are so stupid.” Meredith nodded, before she was the one planting an unexpected kiss to his lips. The surprise in Alex was only prominent for a second, before his lips parted, and it was no longer an innocent peck. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was just two lonely adults, Alex didn’t care which at this point. The silence in the air made Meredith’s ears ring, but their pants were soon all she could hear. 

He lifted her up onto the kitchen counter, her hands fumbled around his belt. It was all moving so quickly, it felt like somebody had pressed fast forward. Her heart was pounded as his hands ran through her hair. 

Eye contact wasn’t made until suddenly it was, and everything started to slow down. She reached up to cup his face, and Alex closed his eyes delicately, the feeling of her soft lips tracing down his neck and back up to his lips once more, felt like he’d been touched by a ghost, or an angel. 

With her legs wrapped around his thighs, his mind was going wild with thoughts he’d never expected to have about the woman he had given everything up for, the woman who he wanted to protect with his entire being. 

“Oh god!” Maggie’s voice interrupted the intimate exchange, causing Alex to jump away from the bench entirely. They’d never expected to be in this situation with each other. It wasn’t the first time for either of them, getting caught was all part of life’s awkward plan for everybody, but now as Alex stood bare chest in Meredith’s kitchen, he felt the blood rush to his cheeks as though he had been doing something wrong. 

“I’m so sorry. I should just leave you two alone.” Maggie spluttered, and Meredith couldn’t help but smile. Her smile didn’t last very long before she was laughing herself silly, this whole thing was such a mess, what else could she do? She laughed until her ribs hurt, laughed until she could barely breathe. She was just about to bone Alex, Alex...


	15. Chapter 15

"Cristina is the only smart one." Meredith said later that evening. She was tucked up underneath her covers, Alex laying next to her on top of the blankets. Neither one of them had suggested the barrier, but that's how Alex lay, and Meredith wasn't going to question it. 

Alex however did question her comment. "What are you talking about?" He asked gruffly, he was still tired and confused about earlier, maybe a little frustrated. 

"I slept with George, you slept with Izzy, Izzy and George were sleeping together. We're all stupid." She told him, rolling over to face him the best she could. Her belly wasn't huge, but it still wasn't too comfortable laying on her side anymore. 

"Do you have to bring up O'Malley?" Alex asked, not wanting to remind himself of how many women they've apparently shared. It wasn't like he hated the guy, but he wasn't exactly a stud either, what did it say about him if he could attract the same girls as the kid? 

"Yes I do." She nodded, thinking about how they'd come full circle. "And while we're on this topic of conversation, we might as well talk about you and Lexie." She continued, making Alex feel entirely uncomfortable now. He sat up and moved away, taking one of his pillows with him. 

"What?" Meredith complained as Alex gave her one of his grumpy expressions. 

"You just had to go and make this awkward didn't you?" He said to her with a gloomy tone. He'd liked what they'd done in the kitchen, he'd liked it more than he was going to admit out loud, and now Meredith was doing her mood killing thing, and he hated it. 

"It's the truth isn't it?" She asked him innocently, knowing that Alex had a history with so many people she's known. It was making her feel like laughing again, at how absurd it all was. 

Alex groaned from across the room, where he had begun setting up camp on her floor. She couldn't help herself as she began to silently chuckle to herself. "If you sleep with Callie, and I sleep with Arizona. It will really come full circle." She snorted, unable to control herself anymore. It wasn't silent until Alex's pillow was landing on her face, and she knew that she's gone too far with the teasing. 

"Alex." She whispered after settling herself down. She wasn't good at these things, she was terrible in fact. She just didn't know how to be the kind of person Alex needed her to be, it's been a long time since she's had to try for anybody. 

"What?" He asked grumpily, rolling around on the floor to try and get comfortable. 

"Come back to bed. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself because I messed up." She told him, making a point of patting the mattress beside her. "You're a surgeon, surgeons need their backs, so don't you dare ruin yours because I made a few sex jokes." She said a little more firmly. 

Alex fumbled around in the dark, Meredith could feel his weight as the mattresses dipped, and he was soon under the covers. She could feel the familiarity of his warmth. 

"Goodnight." He whispered, and she nodded, staring up at the darkness that blanketed the ceiling. She knew they were okay, that he was fine for now, but maybe she needed to give him some more slack. He didn't deserve her twisted sense of humour, or somebody who confused him this much. She didn't know what she wanted, but she did know that she'd have to figure it out sooner rather than later. 

When morning came Meredith wandered down the staircase, where her three children all sat together eating their breakfast. She didn't know who had taken care of them so early, but she was thankful for whoever they were. Maggie walked up from behind her, wearing her robe. She looked like she was still half asleep. "I really need coffee." She complained to her older sister, as the two women walked the remaining distance into the kitchen. 

"Where's Alex?" Meredith asked as she poured Maggie a mug of fresh coffee. She wasn't drinking caffeine anymore, and her body was starting to notice. 

"I thought I heard someone in the shower." Maggie answered with a yawn. She took a big sip from her cup, before realising it was way too hot. "I burnt my tongue." She said in a muffled voice. 

Meredith just nodded, she was paying attention to her children now. They all had different meals, Bailey was eating toast, Ellis had a bowl of yoghurt and Zola was finishing off her bowl of fruit. 

"Alex is already on daddy duty." Maggie commented, her tongue was now back in her mouth and it was easy to understand her words again. Meredith simply nodded, she was impressed.


	16. Chapter 16

Arizona Robbins sat facing her good friend, and colleague - Alex Karev. She admits that she hasn't been a great friend lately, hardly taking the time to congratulate Alex on becoming a first time father. She was trying to fix that, trying to give Alex the friend he needed. As they sat across from each other, she couldn't help but smile across at her friend. 

"What?" Alex asked as he tried to keep his burger fillings from falling. He didn't know why Arizona had asked him out for dinner, but he wasn't complaining. It was good to have a meal outside of fish fingers and salad, which was Meredith's specialty and the only thing all the kids agreed on. 

"Nothing. I'm just really happy for you! You're going to be a dad, and I'm just so happy for you." She gushed, and sure maybe she knew Alex wasn't the gushing type, but she was and she was gushing enough for the both of them. 

"Thank you." He said with a nod, before filling his mouth with soda, occupying himself so he didn't have to speak. 

"You and Meredith, I didn't see that coming." She told him, which made Alex simply nod. He never knew what to tell people when they said things like that. He didn't want to say something he couldn't take back, adding to the narrative he and Meredith had jumped into head first. 

"Not that there's anything wrong with that." Arizona made sure she covered that fact. She didn't want her friend thinking that she was out there disapproving of his life choices. She was willing herself to keep her nosy questions to herself, feeling like she would ask something stupid at any moment, only to have Alex get upset and leave. That was the opposite of what she wanted here, she just wanted to show him he had a friend in her. 

"It's different. I know it will take a while for people to get used to it." He said, throwing her a life line. Sure it had been a few months already, but they had flown by so fast, even Alex was sometimes pinching himself at all the changes. It had been over a week since the incident, and he hasn't stopped thinking about it, how the two of them had almost slept together for real, how Meredith blamed it on her hormones, but what was his excuse? What could he blame for this? 

"Maggie got an eyeful the other night." He blurted out, obviously his thoughts had decided they wanted to be out loud thoughts without having any common sense to stop his mouth from giving them away. 

Arizona chuckled at that, thinking about poor Maggie, and how awkward it must have been. She's seen more than her fair share of doctor hook ups, but it was still a shock every time. "I bet she didn't have a lot to say after that." 

Alex shook his head, amusement on his face. It was nice being able to talk to somebody about this. He couldn't tell her everything, like how he was beginning to fall for his friend, with the fear that she didn't want that at all. He couldn't tell anybody about that, without ruining the secret, ruining everything Meredith is wanting to keep to herself. "She wasn't her usual chatty self, and she now always announces herself before entering a room. I can't decide if that's more annoying than usual, or if it's really helpful." 

They continued chatting away about work and home life. Alex didn't give too much away, apart from how happy he was lately, and how he was really looking forward to being there for Meredith this time around. He can remember the last time she gave birth, and he only found it after the fact. They talked about Callie leaving, and how much Arizona missed her daughter, everything felt like old times between the two friends, apart from the fact that Alex desperately wanted somebody other than Meredith to talk to about their secret, he kept his mouth shut about all things Nathan Riggs. 

By the time he got home, Meredith was asleep in front of the humming TV. He draped a rug over her sleeping body and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She didn't fuss, didn't even notice the changes at all. It was peaceful, and Alex was ready for bed. He checked on the children one by one, like he did every night and wondered what life would be like if he had his own children, but those thoughts were soon gone because to Alex these children were his family, even before this secret. 

When morning arrived Meredith woke up to the sound of utensils clanging in the kitchen. She stumbled up onto her feet and walked over to where Alex was making breakfast. "You know you don't have to do this everyday." She told him, folding her arms neatly over her chest. Alex looked across at her and nodded his head. "I want to. We all have to eat anyway, it's not like I'm going out of my way to do something." He pointed out, and Meredith couldn't argue with that fact. She slipped past him and poured herself a glass of juice. 

"And were you responsible for the blanket?" She asked after a long gulp of zesty orange juice had burned through her throat. It was like a child friendly version of tequila, she liked it. 

"Didn't want you to get cold." He said plainly, not taking his eyes off the eggs in his pan. Things weren't exactly awkward at home, but they also weren't back to normal. Mainly because none of them really knew what normal was any longer. Meredith didn't go out of her way to avoid him, which was probably the best possible scenario. 

"Thank you." She nodded, sneaking a glance over at what he was cooking up. 

"I think Maggie likes them scrambled." She told him before she was heading out of the kitchen, a waddle like movement in her pregnant steps. 

A smile ran over his lips as he looked across at her, shaking his head slightly to his own amusement. "You like yours fertilised.." he shot at her, and Meredith started to smile herself. 

She turned to face him, a big grin spread across her face. "Shut up." She snickered, walking back to stand beside him. "It's not my fault." She told him, nudging his side with her hip. It was playful and light hearted, which was a mood they hadn't shared in a while. 

Meredith was the official taste tester, and in the end it was decided that Alex was going to have to do all of the breakfast cooking from then on out, she was done trying to compete with that. They shared a few more laughs before the children were busy making a mess with their food, and Maggie was rushing out the door, eager to see he who shall not be named. 

It was nice.  
They hadn't had nice in a while.


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith didn't think she needed to attend any birthing classes, she's already given birth twice before, it wasn't exactly something she needed to take a class in. Arizona was persistent though, and there she was, Alex sitting behind her as her and all the other expected mothers, practiced breathing techniques. She couldn’t figure out exactly how Arizona had convinced either one of them that coming to this class was a good idea. She’s never been one to be easily persuaded, so the blame was solely on Alex for this one. That’s what she was going with anyway.

"Why are we doing this?" She asked Alex, her voice thankfully being drowned out by the panting that was erupting in the room.  
Alex didn't really have an answer to that, apart from Arizona feeling like he needed to have that fatherly experience of helping his child come into the world. "I can go and get Nathan if you'd prefer." He whispered, causing Meredith to smirk. That was never going to happen. Alex was constantly bringing him up, as if she was going to just spontaneously run off with Nathan into the sun. That was ridiculous, and Alex’s constant fear of that happening was getting rather tiring for the both of them surely. Meredith didn’t know exactly what bond her and Alex shared currently, but it was there and she wished he would stop feeling so cautious. The last thing she wanted was to be with Nathan Riggs, even if Maggie had nothing to do with it. 

She tried to mimic the other women in the room, but all it did was make her feel like laughing, no matter how inappropriate that may be. She turned back to Alex hoping he was feeling as awkward as she was feeling right now. "This is ridiculous. You already know enough about birth, and I've had two babies already." She pointed out, and Alex shrugged, paying more attention to the instructor than her at this point.

"We don't need these classes, it's just a whole bunch of things you forget as soon as your water breaks anyway. Women scream, curse and make sure their partner's know how much we hate them in that moment. It's easy."

Alex chuckled at that and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "If we don't last at least one class Robbins is going to wonder why, and when she is curious about something, she's like a dog with a bone."

Meredith sighed. "I hate this class Alex. I hate this class more than I'll hate you when I'm in labor..." she scoffed, feeling annoyed at the very thought of having Alex in the delivery room with her. She knew he was going to be Mr Smarty Pants, trying to tell her what she had to do. It drove her wild, and he knew it. It was exactly why he did it, he loved getting a rise out of her, it was the kind of attention he craved because he loved being able to have somebody in his life who didn’t mind a bit of banter, somebody who knew he was kidding around, and who knew how to take a bit of grief. Meredith dished it out just as hard as he did, so no matter how hard they argued in real time, he knew they’d always fall back on the constant teasing, and mutual respect.

"Should have used protection then." Alex whispered back in amusement. He knew Meredith was only being passive aggressive right now, he didn't have to worry about any long lasting grudges when it came to her. It was fun, and the only way for either of them to actually survive the entirety of this class, which was complete hell. They both agreed on that at least.

The class was filled with awkward positions, sounds and conversations, but they survived it, both vowing they didn't want to come back for a follow up lesson. They both went their separate ways once they were back at Grey Sloan, with Alex heading back to the pediatric ward, running into Arizona without fail, which made him smirk in anticipation. He knew exactly where her own smile was coming from. 

“How was it?” Arizona bounced, she nudged Alex with her shoulder as they walked down one of the hospital’s corridors. Alex hadn’t said much about the class she had sent him too, but she wanted to squeeze all of the details from him as possible.   
“It was a class.” Alex responded with a shrug. “Meredith hated it, I thought it was awkward, and you are too cheerful about this to be normal.” He added, looking at his smiley friend with a less than cheerful expression.

Arizona frowned for a second before her smile returned. “But are you excited about the birth?” She asked him, prying was her favourite thing to do, and Alex’s least favourite thing to experience.   
“Not anymore.” Alex told her coldly, making her chuckle.   
“Alright tough guy, I was only trying to help you prepare for fatherhood.” She said as she raised her hands in a defensive motion. All she wanted out of this was to make sure Alex was prepared for one of the most important roles a man took in his life. She found parenthood to be her favourite thing in the world, something she wouldn’t trade for any other feeling. “You might even thank me one day, when you’re finished being grumpy.”  
Alex very much doubted that fact, but he gave her a small smile regardless, knowing she was only trying to be sincere towards him.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex closed the trunk of Meredith's car and wiped the sweat from his brow. He didn't know why they were doing this, why Meredith was even allowing this to happen either. Usually none of them listened to Maggie's attempt at a bonding experience, especially when the experience included them going away for a weekend together. Alex wondered if this was some pregnancy guilt she was feeling, or if she had really just lost her damn mind.

As Meredith rattled off a list of things they needed to have packed and Alex assured her he had everything, his temper flaring and her eyes rolling as per usual. "We have to be prepared, if we're not prepared we die." She told him and now it was his turn for an eye roll. "Nobody is going to die." He snapped and Meredith gave him a displeased look. "They could. Anything can happen if you're not prepared for the worst."

Alex almost jumped for joy when Arizona's car pulled up. She was spending the weekend with Meredith's kids, thinking this was the last time Meredith and Alex would have away together before the baby came. Neither of them complained when she made the offer, although Alex complained about several other things regarding this trip, especially when he learned Nathan was going to be in attendance. After arguing back and forth between the pair, they both decided that it didn't matter whether they thought Maggie and Nathan were over, they were going to grin and bear it, since they didn't have to pay for this trip, and neither one of them planned on spending any time with Nathan anyway.

Arizona walked up to the front door with a big smile on her face. "You two all set to go?" She asked, looking towards the car that was all packed up. Meredith tried to reciprocate her cheery smile but hers just came off as cheesy. "We're all set." She said in a faux cheerful tone, which made Alex shake his head at her.

The two women walked inside together where Meredith explained the kids usual routine, and where to find everything, this left Alex sitting out on the front porch, praying for rain or something that stopped this trip from happening. No such luck came for him as the sun only got brighter, and the day was as perfect as it could get for a weekend away. He sat up when another car pulled up, Amelia emerged from the passenger side door. "Hey!" She called out, and Owen gave Alex a little wave too. "You ready to go too?" Amelia shouted out and Alex realised then that this weekend was going to get a lot louder than he originally planned.

Meredith walked outside carrying her handbag and the bag of cheetos she had been snacking on. She nearly let go of the packet when she noticed who was parked out front. When she turned to Alex, he shrugged his shoulders, and she started shaking her head. “All of a sudden I’m not feeling very well. I think I might have a fever.” She told him, placing the back of her rest against her forehead. Alex rolled his eyes and walked over to the driver’s side of the car. “This was your idea in the first place, we didn’t have to say yes but you wanted to make your sister happy.” He reminded her as she slipped into the passenger side. 

“She talks too much, she gets in my face, asks too many questions and did I mention the fact that she never shuts up?” She asked as she pulled her seatbelt over her body, clipping it into the buckle. Alex reversed out of the driveway, signally to Owen to follow him on the road. He didn’t need to be reminded of Meredith’s dislike of spending too much time with Amelia, she’d only told him a million and one times. 

Meredith fiddled with the radio, needing a station to fit her mood for the rest of the drive. She wasn’t going to spend the journey listening to whatever Alex had tuned in to. It made her skin crawl knowing that she was going to be spending a weekend with a few too many people she really didn’t want to be around. She closed her eyes and slipped her sunglasses on over her eyes and tried to relax to the new sound filling her ears. She wrapped her arms over her belly, wishing for a second that she didn’t have one, maybe then she would have had the balls to say no to Maggie, if she had of just kept it in her pants none of this would have been happening.   
“You okay?” Alex asked, glancing over at her with concern in his voice. He knew that she was only going to this thing because she felt guilty, and that wasn’t her, she wasn’t the kind of person who let her guilt drive her to do anything, he was worried.   
“I’m fine just keep driving, that’s your job.” She told him without looking up.   
“I’m just worried about you.” Alex said, shaking his head at how quick she was to jump down his throat over this. “You don’t even have to go to this thing you know? Maggie will probably give you a free pass if you asked her to.”

“I don’t want to ask her for a free pass, that’s not what we do. We suck it up and do things we don’t want to do.” She told him, opening her eyes to take a look at him again. She knew he was right, she had the power to just stay at home.   
He reached over to place a hand on her knee, squeezing it gently to show that he understood that this was harder than she wanted to admit. “We’ll just pretend we need to have a lot of sex, or that you’re feeling sick. You won’t even have to spend any time with any of them.”  
Meredith couldn’t help herself, she just let out a laugh and stared straight out the front windscreen again.


	19. Chapter 19

It had been only an hour since they group of couples arrived at the cabin. Meredith had already made nine jokes about this being a horror movie waiting to happen, Alex had already complained about bugs four times, and Maggie was onto her second round of making sure everybody was okay. 

Meredith had retreated to the bedroom she was sharing with Alex. She sat down in the middle of the bed with her legs spread out, back pressed against the mattress in the only position that made her feel any sense of comfort. Alex closed the door on his way in, set down their bags and let out a long winded sigh. “This weekend is going to suck for you.” He told his best friend, walking over to sit himself down on the corner of the same mattress. “No alcohol.” He added when she gave him an unappreciative glance. He kicked off his shoes and swung his legs around to make himself more comfortable. He could hear faint voices from outside in the living room area, could practically picture the four other adults sitting there talking to one another. He was certain that Owen was only here because Amelia was just as desperate as Maggie to make this family situation work, he wasn’t sure about Nathan, probably trying to worm his way into Meredith’s life again, and for that Alex was already annoyed by his presence. 

“You can drink for me. It’ll be like me living vicariously through you.” She told him, moving foot over to kick his back gently, mostly just to make contact.   
“Wouldn’t you rather I didn’t drink too, we’re all in this together or whatever.” He shrugged, not expecting her to be happy about his consumption of alcohol in front of her. He probably wouldn’t give it up even if she asked, but it was surprising regardless. 

“I’m not that selfish.” She huffed, rolling onto her side, even though her belly was in the way, and it made her feel awfully uncomfortable. 

A knock at the door stopped Alex from saying something, he looked over at Meredith as if to ask her if it was okay for him to call out, if she wanted to stop their alone time from being interrupted. She just smiled and rolled onto her back once more, a relieved sigh fell from her lips as she instantly felt more comfortable. 

It was Maggie on the other side of the door, she’d pulled her hair back and looked more relaxed than Alex had seen her in a while, that was saying something since they lived in the same house currently. “You two want something to eat? I packed a lunch before we left.” She asked sincerely, eyes darting over towards her sister, who was still sprawled out on the bed, while Alex stood in the doorway. 

“We’ll be out soon.” Meredith answered quietly, she knew that realistically she couldn’t hide in this bedroom the entire time, even if that’s all she wanted to do. Alex closed the door once Maggie had retreated back towards the kitchen. 

“You want me to bring you back a plate?” He asked as he walked over to where Meredith was laying. She shook her head and closed her eyes, rubbing her eyes. She was trying to work up the courage to get up, to face this social situation she never wanted to be involved in. The one where her sister was trying to shack up with the man she slept with, and her dead husband’s sister who was now married to her best friend’s ex husband. It was a mess and she didn’t want to be surrounded by it. She sat up and allowed Alex to help her onto her feet. “It’s not too late you know, you can back out of this arrangement, tell people that I was a big old slut who was wrong about paternity.” She said to him, hands still gripping Alex’s biceps. She didn’t want to make him live in her mess, even if it seemed too late to back out. Alex was somebody she cared deeply for and this was more of a punishment than a favour. 

“Shut up.” He said as he shook his head. He knew what she was doing, trying to isolate herself so nobody could hold anything against her. She wanted him to escape so that he couldn’t turn around and blame her for involving him. He just stepped back, allowing room for Meredith to pull herself together.   
Sat across from each other at the dining room table, Maggie and Amelia were engaging in a conversation about egg salad. Meredith sat down beside her sister, her eyes followed as Alex walked around to sit in the space opposite her. Containers filled with homemade creations were opened, plates were filled with various components of what Maggie called lunch. Meredith wasn’t all that hungry, but she knew her lack of an appetite had more to do with the company around her, than her actual stomach. She ate a mouthful of everything provided, cleared her plate mostly to feed her baby.

Alex’s eye wandered throughout the meal, falling between Nathan and Meredith, who were both off in their own heads. He tried to keep involved in the conversation, but the other three were all overtaking the flow of conversation anyway. He offered to clean off the dishes, through the kitchen he could overhear voices, Amelia made the decision to watch something together, three other voices chimed in to disagree over film selections, but Alex could only hear the deafening silence coming from Meredith.  
A movie was set up on the old television screen set in the stone covered wall. Maggie and Nathan sat together on one chair, Owen and Amelia huddled up on another, while Alex and Meredith sat on two recliners side by side. Meredith felt like her head was too full to concentrate on anything happening on the screen, she closed her eyes and faked being asleep, when all she really wanted to do was retreat to her bedroom and lock the door. The guilt was weighing heavily on her chest, and in that moment she missed Cristina.


	20. Chapter 20

Meredith kicked the blankets off of her warm body; she rolled over onto her side, only to remember how pregnant she was, and how uncomfortable that position was for her. Alex let out a throaty groan as her arm flung back, elbow nudging his cheek in the dark. She winced, realising that he was sleeping a lot closer than she’d pictured. “Sorry.” She whispered, reaching over to pick up her phone. It was only 2:30 am, too early for her to start wandering the house, or outside of it in the dark. He was tired, but the light coming from her screen was enough to alert him into attention. He rolled onto his back, hand resting beneath the back of his head. "You okay?" He asked quietly, unable to see her in the darkness. Meredith mumbled an answer he couldn't quite hear, but her head was soon resting against his shoulder, an answer he didn't need her to interpret. 

It was mid-morning when Meredith finally climbed out of bed. She could hear voices, but couldn't quite place the bodies they came from. She walked her way through the house and out into the sunshine covered woodlands that the building backed onto. It didn't take her long to find Alex, who was lying spread out on top of a sunbed, glasses shielding his eyes from direct sunlight. Maggie and Amelia were chatting across the garden, hushed voices followed by giggles, it made Meredith feel thankful that they had each other in that moment, she wasn't in the mood to be chatty. As she sunk herself down into the second chair, Alex tilted his glasses away from his eye, squinting to see who it was beside him. "You eat anything yet?" He asked her before he collapsed his arms back to his sides, and returned to his sun covered nap. 

Meredith didn't say anything at first, she just let out a tired sigh. "I'll eat soon, don't think this baby would let me get away with skipping meals." She said sadly, using her hands as a visor to find where Nathan and Owen had disappeared to. 

"They've gone hunting or whatever," Alex said to her, knowing she was probably trying to place the pieces together. He didn't feel like hunting, hardly felt like being there at all, but he'd made a promise, one that was stupid, but still. 

"Hunting." She repeated, thinking back to the people in her life that hunted, people she wanted to not think about. "I think I'm going to go and eat something." She told him, pushing herself off the chair, dusting herself off as if she'd been sitting on the dirty ground. 

Alex groaned before he was doing the same. She gave him a look, one that told him he didn't have to get up because of her. He shrugged his shoulders. He didn't want her eating burnt toast, her breakfast speciality. 

"I don't need you to be my personal chef," Meredith told him stubbornly as she sat down on one of the kitchen stools. It didn't bother him, he liked to take care of her, but she wasn't the kind of person you told that to. He opened the fridge and skimmed the groceries Maggie had brought with her. He reached for the juice first, figuring Meredith would appreciate the sugar rush. "I'm not a personal chef, I'm your fri-..." He stopped himself, not sure what his label was anymore, maybe he didn't have one, or maybe he did, he wasn't going to give himself one. 

"I know." She said with a sigh, leaning herself up against her hand, elbow pressed against the countertop. "It's weird being here, isn't it? like being in one of those slasher movies. I keep thinking somebody is going to come and slice me open. My money's on Nathan." She chuckled, enjoying the smile Alex was now sporting on his face. He pushed the glass of orange juice over towards her before screwing the cap back on the bottle. 

"Nobody is going to take out a pregnant lady." He defended her, although he wasn't entirely sure he could trust a slasher to have morals, it wasn't what murderers were known for.

"I'd take out the weakest link if I was a slasher." She commented, closing her eyes as she tilted her glass up to take a sip. Alex rolled his eyes and started taking slices of bread out of the packet. He didn't think she was the weakest link, pregnant belly, or no pregnant belly.

When the toast popped, he walked around the counter to sit down beside her, the butter was soon melting against the hot bread, and Meredith took her very first bite without flinching. It was nice being alone with the one person he actually wanted to spend any time with lately. It was like a magnet was drawing him into her, and only her. He hadn't felt that in a while, hadn't felt the overwhelming sensation to be around someone, protecting them, tending to their every need. He had no intention of sharing that little detail with her, but he felt it all the same. 

She picked up the newspaper in front of her and started flicking through the pages. She didn't have any interest in reading it, but Alex was quiet and she had no idea what else to do. It didn't bother her when Amelia and Maggie noisily walked through the doors. 

"Hey non-drinking buddy." Amelia greeted her, a small smile springing across her lips. Meredith hadn't even thought about that, but she frowned and looked across at Alex, wondering if he planned on getting wasted with everybody else. It wasn't like she hadn't seen the booze sitting in the kitchen doorway earlier, she just hadn't connected the dots yet.  
"You throwing a party or do you like rubbing it in?" Meredith asked Maggie, who had only just figured it all out herself. 

"Oh my god! I didn't mean to make things awkward for you." She said sincerely, looking between the two women with a frown. "We don't have to drink, I just wanted to have a nice weekend away with all of my friends, my family." She said with a sigh, looking to Alex who didn't want to have any part in this conversation.

"If anybody needs a drink around here, it's me." He muttered, with only Meredith in earshot. She snorted, shaking her head because she was thinking the same thing about herself.

It was after dinner when Meredith found herself alone in the kitchen with Nathan. Maggie and Amelia were arguing over which board game would be better for six players, while Alex was taking a shower. She wiped her hands on a tea towel and looked over at the other surgeon in the room. He opened the fridge and took out a can of soda, the drinks Maggie had shoved in there to make up for her insensitive alcohol purchasing. 

"I didn't know you liked hunting." She said first, meeting his eye again. She wasn't entirely sure why she was the one starting the conversation, but he didn't seem to mind at all. He set his can down on the counter and leant himself up against it. 

"I didn't know you cared." He said in response.

Immediately her eyes started to roll, it was a mistake to even try talking to him like an adult, she knew that now. 

"What's your problem with me? I've been nothing but nice to you, and now you're shutting me out, moving on with Alex?" He asked her, keeping his voice down to avoid causing a scene.

Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but no words seemed to form. She didn't know why she had such a problem with her, it was just something that happened and she didn't know how to stop it. "You don't do this. You don't sleep with vulnerable and confused women, and then date their bastard half sisters." She said, wagging her finger in his direction.  
"And you don't get to tell me who to date." He said in return, meeting her eye with a challenging smirk across his lips. 

"I'm not telling you who to date. I'm telling you to leave me alone. We don't need to speak outside of work, especially not about me and Alex." She said firmly, folding her arms across her chest.

He held his hands up in defence, but his eyes made it clear that he wasn't done pressing her. He didn't know what was wrong, but he would figure it out eventually.

Maggie walked in through the kitchen door, a big smile on her face. "You two ready for a game?" She asked excitedly.


	21. Chapter 21

Home sweet home, Meredith had never been so happy to walk through her front door before. All she wanted to do was hug her children and go to bed. Alex walked in behind her, bags on either arm; he set down their luggage down by the stairs and let out a sigh. “Some weekend, huh?” He said with a small chuckle. He didn’t really know how they survived all of the bonding activities Maggie forced them into. It was a miracle that they made it home alive. If it wasn’t for Meredith’s quick thinking after lunch, they would still be there. Instead, she’d made an excuse about needing to rest before an early morning check up that nobody could dispute, so Alex jumped at the chance to drive home, get away from the madness. Neither one of them were entirely sure when the others were coming home, but they safely assumed they had a few more hours. 

“Meredith!” Arizona exclaimed as she walked down the stairs. She hadn’t expected them home so soon, but it was a pleasant surprise. “Zola’s in the living room, we’re waiting for our cookies to finish baking.” She told the pair, pointing her thumb up the stairs, “The little ones are down for a nap, they were exhausted.” 

A part of Meredith knew that meant they’d be up late, but she also didn’t care at this point. She was happy to be home, happy to be able to see her babies. “Zola! Mommy’s home!” She called out, walking through to the living room to find her eldest child. 

The little girl rushed halfway to meet her mother, her arms wrapped around Meredith’s enlarged belly before she was kissing the home of her unborn sibling. “Did you miss us?” Meredith asked her, feeling all kinds of emotions, she missed her children, missed being at home with them where she belonged. Tears started to well in her eyes as she realise how much she had missed them, how much she really needed them around. 

“Why are you crying?” Zola asked her, reaching out to take hold of Meredith’s hand. Meredith shook her head and instinctively wiped the stray tears away. “I’m not crying,” She assured her, walking over to the nearest chair to sit down on. Zola sat down beside her, her little fingers touching Meredith’s belly again. "Did you miss mommy and Alex?" She asked her eldest, her own fingers moving to play with her daughter's hair, she didn't know where Arizona learnt how to style it that way, but it looked beautiful, she always looked so beautiful. Hot tears started to sting her eyes again, but Meredith didn't want to upset her daughter, she wiped them away with the back of her hand and listened to the faint sounds of Alex and Arizona talking in the hallway. 

"I miss you," Zola told her, smirking because she left Alex out on purpose, trying to be funny. Meredith laughed softly and looked towards the opening of the room. "I bet he missed you though, he loves you very much, just like I do, maybe a little less because I'm the mommy, and mommies are meant to love their children the most out of anyone else." 

Alex walked through the entryway, Arizona on his trail, she walked past the mother and daughter on her way through to the kitchen to check on her baking, it was almost ready. She was scared of burning them all, disappointing Zola. The whole weekend reminded her of how much she missed her own daughter, how much she loved being a mother and doing things like baking cookies for the hell of it. She watched as Alex sat down on Zola's other side, and it was then that she realised exactly what Alex meant when he said they were his family, even before the pregnancy Alex had been apart of Meredith's family and she knew exactly what that looked like now. 

Alex's arm was draped over the back of the couch, his fingers playing with Meredith's hair as he listened to her telling Zola about their weekend. Arizona could hear the couple laugh at something together, the way they looked at each other. She had a hard time believing they'd made a baby together at first, but any doubts she once had were long gone by now.  
The oven timer went off, Zola jumped off the couch and went running in to where Arizona was carefully taking the trays out, the cookies weren’t burnt at all, they were perfect and Zola clapped her hands in excitement. 

When Meredith and Alex turned back to face the living room, Alex filled in the space the young girl had left between them, he could smell her hair as she rest her head against his shoulder, it felt safe again, she felt like she was in the right place, where she belonged. Every bad thing that occurred over the weekend didn’t matter to her any longer; this was what she needed, where she needed to be. The smell of freshly baked cookies, the sound of an excited little girl, and the thumping of Alex’s heart she could feel against her arm. This was nice, this was better than nice to her. 

“I wish this baby was yours.” She whispered, eyes fluttering closed as she realised the magnitude of her words. She could physically feel the way Alex changed when he heard those words, words that were only meant for him, but had been overheard by the blonde who was on her way to offer them a cookie. Arizona didn’t know what to do, she backed away slowly and turned her attention back to Zola. 

Alex kissed the side of Meredith’s face and let out a soft sigh between his lips. “It will be.” He promised her, fingers finding her hand, squeezing her digits carefully. They both wanted this, they both needed this to work out. He had given up too much to back out of it now. He knew things were still messy and confusing with Jo, she had accepted that he’d moved on, but he still felt guilt for the way he’d told her about the baby, or how he hadn’t. He knew he’d lost respect from people he worked with, but Meredith needed him, and a part of him needed her too. This was going to work for both of them, it just had to.


	22. Chapter 22

"Hold the elevator!" Meredith shouted as soon as she saw the doors start to close. It was hard manoeuvring herself around the hospital in her condition. She was beyond grateful for the comfortable work attire, her scrubs were the only thing she actually enjoyed wearing outside of her home. Her sneakers met with the gap of the door, she let out a tired breath as she shuffled into the elevator, eyes meeting with Arizona's. The blonde offered Meredith a smile as she sank her fists into her coat pockets. 

"Morning Dr Robbins," Meredith said in a cheerful tone. It was something she was working on. Alex had kindly pointed out that her mood swings weren't making her any friends. "I wanted to say thank you again, you know for taking care of the kids over the weekend." She started, turning to face her friend and colleague. 

Arizona wasn't entirely certain how she was supposed to act. Overhearing a conversation she wasn't supposed to be part of. It had made everything unbelievably uncomfortable for her. She didn't know what to make of it, what Meredith was saying didn't make any sense to her yet at the same time it fit in perfectly with what had happened. When she had first discovered the pregnancy, Meredith laughed in her face at the thought of Alex being the father. She had assumed the shock of it all had made her act that way, but now she knew that wasn't the case. She swallowed thickly as she tried to compose herself. "That's perfectly fine. I had a great time with them, made me miss my daughter though." She said sweetly, fingers wrapping around her cell phone deep into her pocket. She really needed to call Callie, find out when she could visit again, maybe it would be soon, maybe she wouldn't have to awkwardly avoid Alex in the hallways. 

Meredith nodded her head. "You should go and see her," she said warmly, reaching across to squeeze the other woman's arm. Arizona pulled away as soon as the door opened. It wasn't her floor, the button she had pressed was still in the queue. "I forgot I have a chart to pick up on this floor. Have a great day Dr Grey." She said quickly, a forced smile on her face as she rushed out into the hallway. 

"What's up with her?" Amelia questioned as she stepped inside. She took a sip from her disposable coffee cup and pressed another button. Meredith let out a long sigh, she didn't feel like having a long chat with Derek's sister, but there was no way of escaping. 

"I don't know. She had to look after three children for a whole weekend, maybe it's lack of sleep," she commented, giving Amelia a tired response just to pass the time. 

As soon as she reached for floor Meredith sped out of the elevator herself, she just needed to get stuck into a case, one that preferably involved a lot of sitting down on her big pregnant ass.

Alex locked the door behind him as he slipped into an on-call room. Meredith sat up on the bed she'd been napping on for the past half an hour. Her morning had included a lot of walking, a lot of talking, and a lot of wearing her feet out. When she finally had time for a lunch break, all she wanted to do was get some sleep. The weekend had taken a lot of energy despite Maggie's intentions for it to be a relaxing getaway. Alex sat down beside her and handed over the tray of food he had grabbed her from the cafeteria. 

She let out a groan as she started unscrewing the bottle cap of her water. "Remind me to never have sex again." She said to him. She didn't know if it was due to her being older, or if this pregnancy was just different to her others, but she was definitely feeling the weight of her work affect her more than she ever expected it to. 

Alex just chuckled, in all of the years he's known Meredith, she's never been able to give up sex completely, excluding the grieving widow period of course. She wasn't impressed by his reaction and slammed her fist into his bicep to make sure he knew it. "It's not funny, I am serious. Whoever said my uterus was hostile all those years ago, they should look at me now. I bet I could get pregnant just by looking at a naked man." She complained, knowing it was an exaggeration, but not caring because she was allowed to be dramatic when she was growing a tiny human inside of her.

"Why don't you just learn how to use condoms like everybody else?" Alex asked her as he stole one of her cold fries. He had meant to find her something a little healthier, but fries were made from potatoes so he thought it was better than nothing. 

"Ha ha, very funny." She was wallowing in her own exhausting misery, and in no shape or form did she need Alex kicking her while she was down. "Have you seen Arizona today? I saw her in the elevator this morning, did I do something?" She asked. It was probably her paranoid baby brain but she wanted to double check regardless of that, just to ease her own mind. 

"I don't know, she has this big surgery coming up tomorrow, maybe she's freaking herself out over it." He shrugged. He hadn't seen her all day, it was a big hospital and it wasn't uncommon to go days without seeing some of the people you worked with. He wasn't worried about it. Meredith nodded her head and hummed softly as she closed her mouth. It wasn't something she was going to worry about either. They were surgeons, they saved lives, they had bad days, she hadn't done anything wrong so she had nothing to feel guilt over, or to worry about as far as she was concerned. "You want another one?" She offered, holding out her tray. He shook his head and set the tray down on the floor beside the bunk they were sitting on. "I have to go pick up the kids." He reminded her with a smile, dipping his head to leave a sincere kiss to her cheek. "I'll see you at home later?" He asked, fingers playing with the sleeve of her scrubs. She nodded her head and made a show of waving him off. He was grinning from ear to ear when he left the room.

Arizona was beginning to hate elevators. It was the second time within the space of 24 hours that she was stuck between floors with someone she didn't want to be around. Alex was standing across from her, neither one of them would break the silence. She didn't know how she could speak to him without blurting it all out, she wanted to scream, wanted to tell him that she knew he wasn't the father, that the secret was killing her. This wasn't something she wanted to hold on to, she didn't need to know anything about Meredith's sex life, but when she saw what had unfolded between Alex and Jo when she realised he was protecting his best friend, it just made her stomach squirm and make her feel physically ill. As soon as Alex left her elevator she let out a sigh of relief, she couldn't hold onto something like this it would surely eat her alive.


	23. Chapter 23

It was early evening when Jo Wilson knocked on the door of the Attendings lounge. She had no idea why Meredith had paged her, but from her experience, it was better to just suck it up and do whatever it was Meredith wanted than to risk her career over something personal. 

Meredith waddled over to the door, water bottle in hand. She gave Jo a once over and offered her a friendly smile. "You want to scrub in with me?" She asked her kindly before downing a mouthful of the cold water she had been craving. Being a pregnancy surgeon was kind of the worst. She didn't want to risk having anyone who wasn't skilled enough to take over if need be, and Jo was talented, regardless of any personal drama they had between them Meredith knew she was the woman for the job. 

Jo nodded her head feeling confusion bubble throughout her body. She was up to date on all of Meredith's cases already, she had to be if she wanted even a chance at being able to assist on her service. "I would love to." She nodded her head as she silently wondered if there was some kind of catch. "Dr Grey, can I ask you something?" She asked boldly, not sure where it was coming from but she needed to know just to be sure. 

Meredith smiled and placed on hand on the younger doctor's shoulder. "No, I'm not asking you to scrub in with me because of Alex." She said with a laugh. Jo felt her cheeks flush as she realised how obvious she was being. She didn't mean to be so awkward, it was still weird to her, seeing Alex and Meredith playing house after he had spent so much time assuring her that there was nothing between them. She accepted the relationship a while ago, but that didn't mean that she was entirely comfortable with everything that happened. 

"Oh, yeah of course." She shook her head in embarrassment, playing it off as if she had been silly to even think it. 

"Alex doesn't even know I'm operating," Meredith admitted with a smirk. She didn't think it would hurt to keep it from him. He was always so worrisome when it came to her and the pregnancy, that's what she got for faking having a baby with a paediatric surgeon. 

"How are you keeping that from him?" Jo asked, surprised that she could get away with it when Alex was around. 

"Easy, Alex is on a date. He won't even know until it's too late." Meredith told her. 

"A date?" Jo asked in confusion, wondering if she had somehow slipped into an alternate dimension. 

Meredith laughed softly. "With Zola, Derek used to take her on daddy daughter dates, and Alex didn't want her to miss out on the tradition. It's sweet, he's sweet." 

Jo didn't know what to say, it felt all too personal hearing it all from Meredith, she didn't exactly need to know about Alex parenting Meredith's children, becoming part of her family. She knew it was inevitable with the baby on the way but somehow that felt so far into the future, she didn't have to live with that just yet. "Right." She nodded, forcing a smile, trying to focus on the surgery she had to get ready for. "I'll start the pre-op." She told the older surgeon, spinning on her heel to leave before she had to hear any more personal details about the life she wasn't having with Alex. 

Alex was sitting opposite Meredith's eldest child, he could remember the very first time he'd met her, just a very tiny, very sick little girl. Now he sat across from her in a restaurant, watching her shovel Mac n Cheese into her mouth with a spoon that was far too big for her. She smiled across at him, loving every second of having the special treatment. "Is it as good as the mac n cheese I make at home?" He asked the little girl as he played with his own fork. He hadn't ordered the same pasta dish, his own pasta was drowning in vegetables that he hadn't even heard of before, and he was admittedly a little jealous of Zola's meal. 

Zola nodded her head. "Probably better." She told him cheekily. She liked it when Alex acted offended, made a big deal out of her being mean to him. This time his mouth opened with a gasp. "Well maybe I won't make you anymore, you'll have to get your mom to do it." He threatened playfully. 

"No! She is bad at it." Zola told him poking out her tongue at the memory of Meredith's over cooked cheesy mess. 

"She is pretty terrible." Alex agreed with her before filling his mouth with a forkful of his pasta. 

Zola let out a cheerful giggle, thinking it was hilarious whenever Alex made fun of her mommy. She didn't know much about their relationship, only that Alex had always been around in her life, and now he was there to take care of her because she had another baby in her tummy. She liked Alex, she liked that he cooked her favourite foods, and now he was taking her out for dinner, having a special time just for her. She finished the last mouthful of her pasta and took a sip from her water glass carefully, she didn't want to spill anything on her pretty blue dress because her mommy had bought it for her specially for this outing. 

Alex cleared his own plate and asked his companion if she was in the mood for some dessert. The young girl nodded her head, squealing in delight at the idea of having a special treat.

It wasn't long before Zola was shovelling spoonfuls of her ice cream sundae into her mouth. Alex took a picture to show Meredith later, he knew she was still working, he was meant to swing by to pick her up after dinner. His phone had a message from her, although once he opened it he knew it wasn't her who typed it out. 

'In surgery, will get a ride home later.' 

He let out a small groan, trying to keep it from Zola who didn't need anything to disrupt their evening. He picked up his spoon and stole some of her ice cream, chuckling at the face Zola pulled once she knew what he was doing. 

"Hey, I'm paying for it. It's the least you can do to let me have a taste." Alex told her, smirking as she tried to pull her dessert closer to herself so he couldn't reach. 

"Thank-you." She said to him, remembering what her mother had told her about manners. Alex just nodded his head, she was welcome, she was very welcome. He didn't know what his resident self would have thought if he knew this was where he ended up, but he felt warmth in his heart as he realised he wouldn't want to end up anywhere else. This little girl was so special, all of Meredith's kids were. He couldn't picture a scenario where he wasn't in their lives. He would never be their father, he would never want to replace their father, but he would protect them with his life just like Derek would want him to.

When he tucked Zola into bed an hour later, he watched as her little eyes closed and sleep took over her body rather quickly. He switched off the light and left her door open slightly, the way she liked it. The house was so quiet, apart from the faint sounds of a laugh track coming from the television downstairs. He walked down the stairs carefully after hearing a car pull up out front. He walked outside and stood on the porch, watching as Meredith emerged from the car with a sad look on her face. Arizona climbed out of the car with her arms folded over her chest, following Meredith closely. "We need to talk." She said once the two of them reached Alex. Meredith was silent, she didn't know what to say, but Arizona knew something was up, and everything was about to fall apart.


	24. Chapter 24

"She knows," Meredith said as they walked through the threshold. She didn't have a clue as to how Arizona pieced it all together, but she had and now things were about to get very messy. Alex and Arizona shared an awkward glance. The blonde stepped inside feeling less than welcome about her visit. She had known both Meredith and Alex for a long time, but this wasn't something she ever expected to have to face with them. 

The three adults didn't know what to do. 

Nobody sat down.

Nobody said a word. 

The chill in the air was enough to send shivers down Meredith's spine. The awkwardness in the car when they'd pulled up the driveway kept playing in her mind, the way Arizona blurted it out, told her that she knew Alex wasn't the father. Meredith had just sat there stunned into silence. She didn't know what to say then, and she certainly had no idea what to say now.

It was Arizona who spoke first, she didn't want to be tied up all night with a drama that shouldn't include her. All love and respect she had for the two people standing across from her had diminished, she was scared to know the truth, but she couldn't live her life, do her job, be their friend unless she knew what the hell was going on. 

"Who's the father?" She asked softly, eyes darting between Alex and Meredith. Neither one of them knew what to respond. Meredith could lie, it would make things easier for now until the inevitable happened and the truth unfolded. She didn't want Arizona to feel lied to yet again. Alex didn't think it was his place to answer, it wasn't his baby, it wasn't his story to tell. 

Meredith sat herself down because the weight of her unborn child was making it uncomfortable for her to remain standing in one spot. 

Arizona was still waiting for an answer, she looked over at Alex who simply shrugged his shoulders. 

"Nathan's the father," Meredith said from her spot on the couch. 

"Genetically." Alex interrupted. He didn't want Nathan to get all the credit, he wasn't involved in this situation at all, despite the fact that he helped create it. As far as Alex was concerned, the contents of Meredith's uterus was his child, he didn't want to share, he didn't want anybody to get in the way or hurt the unborn child. The protectiveness he felt was something he hadn't noticed until now as Arizona was the threat that stood between him and his fatherhood. 

"Okay, genetically." Meredith nodded. She looked over towards Arizona who looked like she was struggling to process the new information. 

"I don't understand. Did he not want to be involved?" She questioned, frown prominent on her face. She didn't know him very well but she didn't see him as the type to abandon his own child, especially when he had to work alongside the woman carrying his foetus. 

Meredith looked across towards Alex, her brow was filled with worry, his face was filled with pain. This was the first time they'd had to be honest with anybody but each other. They didn't talk about it often, it was an unspoken secret they learnt to live with, neither one of them wanted it out in the open. 

"He doesn't know," Alex said bravely. His head told him it was wrong to keep this from another man. If he were ever in Nathan's position the anger he would feel, the hurt he would be, it was too much to think about. He was keeping a child from another man and for the first time he felt bad, he felt like he was the villain in this equation. He wasn't doing it to hurt anybody, he was doing this for Meredith, his best friend, the woman who held onto his heart in a way that no other person could. She looked to him for bravery and strength, protection and loyalty. 

"He doesn't know?" Arizona asked, feeling herself tearing apart. This wasn't what she expected. She had confronted Meredith in the car she had expected her to confess a one-night stand, anything that would explain this away without it being so personal. She didn't know how it was possible to work alongside a man who didn't know about his own child, and the two people keeping it from him. "You have to tell Nathan, I don't care if you don't think he has rights, but he should know about his own baby." She said calmly, although she felt anything but calm in that moment. The people across from her were not her friends, they were strangers who looked like her friends. She didn't want to know them, didn't want to be in the same room as either one of them any longer. Her heart was breaking knowing that they were capable of such a secret. 

"Arizona," Meredith said softly, she felt guilty about everything, but she was scared of what the blonde would do. This wasn't Arizona's secret to spill, but Meredith didn't trust that she could keep it to herself. 

"No. Meredith, no, you don't get to look at me with those eyes. I'm sorry but I can't deal with you right now, either one of you. This isn't right, none of this is right and if you don't tell him. I'll tell him myself." She said as she shook her head in disappointment. Her friends looked just as winded as she felt, but that wasn't possible. She felt like someone had just told her they'd run over her pet cat, she didn't even have a cat but the feeling still remained as she left the house without another word.


	25. Chapter 25

Meredith had several chances to open up to him. She took none of them of course. Walking by Nathan in the hall she barely smiled, didn't acknowledge him if she could help it. Guilt was bubbling inside of her, Alex knew she was struggling to keep herself together. The baby was his priority, he didn't want her stress levels to harm the child growing inside of her. She still had 10 weeks before her due date, they had time to figure all of it out. She needed to hold on for her own safety, and the safety of the baby. 

Arizona kept her distance, she didn't want to get involved any more than she had but running into Alex in one of their supply closets gave her an opportunity to mention it again. It had been days since she left him in Meredith's living room, she was struggling to keep it to herself, she needed to talk to somebody and Alex was usually the person she turned to in a crisis. She closed the door behind herself and cornered him so he couldn't walk away from her. 

Alex let out an annoyed sigh when he realised what was going on. The blonde looked serious, her face told him that he wasn't going to get away with anything the way he had the other night. She wanted to talk and he knew that. He let out an incredulous sigh, not sure why this was happening to him. Arizona wouldn't stop until she figured out exactly why this had happened and he knew it. "Look, I don't want to talk about it. Okay? What's done is done. I have patients to tend to." He told her, trying to make her let her guard down. 

Arizona's lips popped as she opened her mouth again. "You know this is wrong Alex, he deserves to know. He's the father." She reminded him, speaking to Alex as if he hadn't been thinking about it over and over every night since he'd promised to take care of Meredith. He did think about it, he knew the risks and the consequences. She wasn't going to tell him anything he didn't already know. She would try, and he would endure every word but that didn't mean he was heartless, he already agreed with what she was about to say, he just couldn't take it all back. This was about Meredith and Meredith alone. He would take this to the grave if he had to. 

"If this happened to you if Jo had moved on with some other guy pretending her baby were his, how would you feel?" She asked, trying to put it into perspective for him. It hurt hearing it like that. He knew that she was right, but it was a low blow. 

"Screw you." He snapped. That he didn't deserve. He deserved a lot of things but bringing up his ex like that wasn't one of them. He didn't need this, he didn't need her meddling in things she didn't belong in. "I did what I had to do to help Mer, she's more important than the guilt trip you're trying to send me on. So screw you!" 

Arizona blinked back at him. It wasn't the first time she had seen him so frustrated, but she still didn't know how to take being on the receiving end of it. She stared up at the man she admired, the young surgeon she built from scratch, he was a good man and she knew it. She just didn't know how to get past the bad thing he was doing. "Look I know that was uncalled for, but Alex you're better than this. I know you are. Meredith will be fine. This baby needs both of its parents." 

"You're not Meredith's doctor, you don't get to tell us what this baby needs." He snapped, and this time she didn't step in his way, he walked out into the hallway and didn't look back at her. He didn't want to be the bad guy in this situation, but he didn't know what else to do. Meredith wanted to raise this child with him, it was her choice and he wasn't about to tell her any differently. 

Meredith managed to flag down an elevator. She called out to the doctor who had stepped in it before her, all she noticed was the white coat and nothing more. When she finally stepped inside the metal room, she let out a heavy pregnant sigh. She needed to catch her breath, it was hard enough walking through the hospital on a regular day, but when she was pregnant and had patients coming out of her ears it was a complete nightmare. 

"Morning." Nathan smiled, pressing the button to close the doors. He hadn't seen Meredith in days, not in this capacity. He knew she was avoiding him, but that was nothing new for him. She was always avoiding him it seemed. 

"Hi." She said warily, moving in front of him so she could press the appropriate button for her stop. She leant back against the wall and closed her eyes, heart still racing in her chest. Bailey had been on her ass about taking some time off, something about being an older pregnant woman and needing to take it easy. This was her third time carrying a child this long and it was taking a toll on her body. She wasn't going to deny that, but what she was going to deny was that she needed special treatment. She was fine and she would do what she always did, work until her unborn child started pushing to come out of her. 

The elevator started to move and Meredith was basking in the silence. She was sick of the sound of other voices, just needed this time to herself before her head exploded from annoyance. She only opened her eyes once the lights turned out, and they were no longer moving. "That's not supposed to happen." She said in a panic, looking over at Dr Riggs, she could barely make out his face in the darkness.

"No, it's not." He agreed, stepping forward to try and press a button, force the doors open, do anything that would make them move again. He pressed the emergency button and crossed his fingers that somebody would get them out of there.


	26. 26

Meredith set herself down on the floor with great difficulty. She wasn't all that comfortable but it was better than wasting all of her energy on standing. It was hard enough walking around with a volcano attached to her middle, one that was ready to explode in just a few more weeks, she hadn't picked a date yet, but she wasn't planning on going to full term, another full sized baby might actually kill her this time. Alex hadn't been clued into that conversation yet, but it was her body and she was setting all of the rules.  
Nathan sat down as well, on the other side of the elevator, legs spread out across the floor. He let out a long sigh and tried to check his watch, it was kind of dark and he'd forgotten that he didn't wear a watch. He just needed something to pass the time that didn't involve pissing Meredith off. He didn't know how long they would be stuck together but he didn't want it to be spent arguing. 

"You think they know we're in here yet?" She questioned out into the darkness, she didn't know if they were stuck on a floor, or if they were hanging between two, she really didn't want to find out. 

"I tried with the button, but who knows," Nathan told her. He knew it wouldn't be long before people caught on to the elevator not functioning, he just didn't know how long it would be before they knew they were missing and in said elevator. "You have your phone with you?" He questioned, hoping she would say yes, even though it was a long shot. 

"If I had my phone I would have used it. I'm not going to sit here in the dark without trying to be rescued, or at least using it for some light. Who do you think I am?" She asked in annoyance. 

"Sorry, stupid question, I know." He said as he tried to retreat. He didn't want or need another argument with her. His own phone was in his coat pocket, dead battery preventing it from being any use to them. 

"There's usually a phone in an elevator, for emergencies," Meredith said after a moment of silence between them. 

"Already tried it." He told her, shrugging his meaty shoulders. As much as he would have loved an opportunity to be alone with her, this wasn't the way he wanted to get it. He didn't want her thinking this was some kind of scheme to get her alone, gain her attention. It wasn't. 

Meredith let out a soft sigh, followed by a sharp breath. This position wasn't all that comfortable for her. She tried to shift into a slightly different position but that felt worse. Nathan couldn't see her, but he could hear her moving, trying her best not to make a big deal out of whatever she was feeling. "Are you okay? I don't mean to be nosy, but you don't sound so good." 

"It's fine. I'm fine. You just stay in your corner and I'll stay in mine." Meredith told him, trying to push him away. She did not need his consideration, he could just keep to himself while she dealt with what she was feeling. It took her a moment to pull her coat off. She rolled it up into her best version of a pillow, resting her head on it before she laid back on the floor. She accidentally nudged Nathan with her ankles, which alerted him that she was now laying down. 

"Dr Grey, are you sure you're okay?" He asked again after silence hit them again.

"I'm fine." Meredith insisted, laying in a pool of her own bodily fluids. "I'm just in labor." She said after a pause. She didn't need his help, this wasn't her first rodeo. She just hoped he wouldn't keep talking. 

Nathan didn't know what he was meant to do in this situation, he had been in many difficult medical scenarios before, but when the patient didn't want anything to do with him, and he couldn't see a thing, it was a little hard to know what to do. Meredith reached back into her coat, searching for her pocket. She finally found what she was looking for, a pen a patient had given her as a thank you. She threw it over towards Nathan, it was harder to throw things when she couldn't see her target, and didn't know if he would even be able to find it if she missed. "What's this?" He questioned, feeling around the pen carefully. 

"The pen, it has a light, I just remembered. I have baby brain, don't judge me for forgetting about it, just press the button." She instructed. The light was dull, but when he held it out he could just make out the outline of Meredith's body. She was still wearing her scrubs, her face was a little pained and he could tell how uncomfortable this was for her. "What do you need me to do?" He asked, holding the pen out towards her so he could see her when she spoke. "Try calling again, press the button. It might be a while before my cervix is dilated enough before you have to help me do anything. Let's just hope they come before then. Okay?" She said to him, hoping that he understood that he wasn't the person she needed to help her through this. Alex was the one she wanted, Alex was the man who she should be trapped in an elevator with. He nodded his head and stood up, shifting towards the doors again. He pressed the emergency button a few more times, and tried the phone, it kept ringing, but nobody seemed to pick up. He cursed under his breath and looked across at Meredith who was lying there with her eyes closed. He needed to get her the help she needed and quickly. He stepped away from the door and opened his mouth to say something, the elevator started to move in the dark, faster than it should be. Nathan had to grab hold of the handrail to keep him from falling, that's when he realised that's what they were doing, this whole elevator was falling without any control.


	27. Chapter 27

There was something about falling in complete darkness that Meredith found calming, for a moment in time she forgot all about the child trying to push its way out of her uterus, and all she could focus on was the way they fell. Nathan was yelling out of fear, but she just laid there with her feet pressed up against the closed door, head firmly against the floor. She felt like this was the most peaceful way to die, her punishment for having this baby in the first place. Maybe she would go to hell where she no doubt belonged, and maybe Derek wouldn't be there to greet her but she was okay with that.

Alex rushed to catch up with Maggie after catching a glimpse of her hair from across the hall. She turned a corner just as he caught up. "Have you seen Mer? We were supposed to go for another OB appointment, and I have no clue where to start looking." He admitted, tucking his clipboard between his arm and his body. Maggie probably had no better ideas than he did, but he was getting kind of desperate. She wasn't picking up her phone but that wasn't unusual. She was always letting it die or giving it to her interns during the day.  
Maggie shook her head with a frown. She knew her sister wasn't the most reliable person but surely she wouldn't skip appointments for her baby. She was a doctor and a mom, two things that should prevent her from being too busy to take care of her babies, especially when they were unborn from a uterus that had been around the block a couple of times. This pregnancy had it's own risks without Meredith skipping out on her appointments. "Last time I checked the board she was scheduled to help Dr Webber." She recited, her memory wasn't the greatest but she could remember that clearly, the two people she shared blood with were names that she couldn't ignore.

Alex thanked her and walked down the closest corridor he could find. He rushed back to the board to see where she would be operating, it wasn't the first time she had forgotten something during this pregnancy and in the last few weeks before the birth, it probably wouldn't be the last. He raced down to OR 2 and walked into the sterile zone to look through the window. He squinted his eyes until he realised he couldn't see Meredith anywhere. She had to be somewhere, and this definitely wasn't the place she was. He was back to square one. He picked up a mask and held it over his mouth when he barged in. "Have any of you seen Meredith? I can't find her anywhere." He asked the doctors in the room in a concerned tone. He didn't want to start worrying just yet but he could feel it creeping up inside of his chest. She was missing and he had no idea where he was going to find her.  
"I saw her getting into an elevator about half an hour ago. I don't know where she was going." Jo answered, hoping that was helpful. It really wasn't but it was better than nothing. Alex just nodded his head. He mumbled a thank you before racing out of the room to try her cell again. Surely she hadn't run off, the kids were still upstairs being watched, she wouldn't have left them here if she was doing a runner, he knew that, but a part of him was still scared anyway.

Bailey was walking as fast as her little legs would permit her too. She was escorting the firemen who were sent to help with the broken elevator shaft. All elevators were being closed for caution, no guest or staff member would be allowed to use any elevator in the building until this incident was sorted. She didn't know who was in the broken one but she was determined to let the nice firefighters rescue whoever it was before a lawsuit was on her case, and before anybody was hurt. Alex nearly ran her over rushing down the hallway with great urgency. "Dr Karev, you know better than to go racing around the halls like a mad man!" She scoffed, dusting herself off as if he had just pushed her into the flooring. He took a step back and gave her a once over before he spoke. "Meredith. I can't find her, she was last seen on this floor getting into the elevator." He explained. He hadn't noticed the men in uniform who were now standing in front of the machine, prying the door open. Bailey's face changed when Alex spoke, of course, it was Meredith Grey getting into trouble yet again. She should have guessed. She walked over to the men, Alex on her trail. "Excuse me, Lieutenant, I've just gotten word that there may be a fairly pregnant woman stuck in this elevator, a surgeon from this hospital. Be careful with her." She said with a shaky breath, glancing back to Alex who had now turned white.  
Meredith opened her eyes once she heard a noise that startled her. It took her a moment to realise they had stopped moving. The light was starting to sift in slowly, she could barely make out Nathan's face from across the way, he was laid back on the floor, eyes on her too. "We're down here!" She called out, gasping because her baby had not forgotten about wanting out, a big contraction took her attention away from the situation, a loud scream spilling from her mouth involuntarily. "I'm having my baby!" She called out after an attempt at calming herself down.

"Meredith!" Alex shouted down the shaft. He wasn't meant to be standing that close to the men working, but he could recognise her voice anywhere, there was no doubt in his mind that it was her, and when he focused on what she was yelling he was beside himself with worry. He turned towards Bailey who was equally as shocked as he was. There was no way either one of them could have prevented this from happening in the first place. "That woman down there is in labour, having my child. You take every precaution you can. You hear me?" Alex threatened one of the men, he didn't care if he was stepping over the line, or that what he said wasn't biologically true. As far as he was concerned that baby was his, and nothing anybody could say would change that.


	28. Chapter 28

Meredith could only remember the rescue in flashes, she could remember being in some of the worst pain she’d ever experienced, her vision going white as she tried to focus on her surrounds. The sound of machinery zooming around her until she blacked out, Alex’s panicked voice was what she could remember the clearest. Now that she was conscious again she had to take a moment to figure out her surroundings, she reached down to touch her stomach, she was still bulging in all the right places but everything felt different, she couldn’t feel her baby moving inside of her, couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Her eyes opened instantly, she tried to sit up but her body was too frail, an exhaustion had taken over her and she didn’t understand why. 

Alex jolted forward from the chair he was sitting on. He had been waiting hours for her to wake up, sitting beside her bed in the hospital suite filled with worry. He hadn’t slept all night, he just didn’t have it in him to close his eyes. He needed to be there when she woke, and now that she was awake he still didn’t know if he would be able to settle himself down. He thought that she had died in that elevator and yet here she was staring back at him and he still felt like he was seeing a ghost. “The baby is upstairs; Robbins is keeping an eye on him.” Alex told her, fingers wrapping around Meredith’s hand tightly. He leaned forward to kiss at her exposed shoulder right where her gown had fallen. He didn’t know what else to update her on, Nathan was fine, apart from being a shaken up from the fall he didn’t have so much as a scratch on him, that pissed Alex off the most. Meredith could have died, and if he wanted to get technical it was Nathan’s baby who did that to her. 

“He?” Meredith asked quietly, small smile spreading over her chapped lips. “I thought..” She had thought for sure that this baby was going to be a little girl, the ultrasounds never indicated that he had a penis, and she stopped looking for one eventually. This was something that she was happy about, something they could both be happy about. All of the thoughts she had about Arizona spilling the truth were gone. She wasn’t worried about anything other than the safety of her child, and possibly the safety of her own life too.  
Alex nodded his head, his own smile erupted across his face. They had another little boy in their life. He had been present for all of Meredith’s children becoming a part of her life. Zola taught Meredith how to be the best mother she could be, and with the addition of every new arrival Alex watched his best friend turn into the kind, nurturing person she was today, sure she was mostly only that way with her children, but every so often he saw her looking out for Amelia, or Maggie, and even him sometimes. She was his favourite person, the one and only person he wanted to share this with. A secret this big would hurt more people than he wanted to know, and right now none of that mattered, their child was safe, he was happy and healthy, and Meredith survived the whole thing. He stood up and fussed with all of the pillows behind Meredith’s head, he needed to make sure she was comfortable now. He knew she was safe, knew her baby was doing fine, so now he just needed to make sure that she was comfortable. “I’ll go see if we can bring him down here.” He told her, leaning down to kiss her forehead this time. He knew Arizona might deny his request to move the baby, but he was going to try it regardless. Meredith was in no condition to move right now, but she deserved to see her child for the first time. He was going to do that for her. 

Meredith simply nodded her head. She reached out to wrap her fingers around his wrist as Alex started to pull away. No words left her lips but she knew he understood how grateful she was for everything, for all that he has done and all that he will do for her. She let go and watched him leave, a heavy sigh fell from her lips. She felt empty inside, but her heart was full. She needed to see her children again soon, she needed to be home with all four of them but that wasn’t going to happen tonight. Tonight she had to sleep alone in this hospital bed, surrounded by other mothers in rooms across the hall, on either side of these walls. She didn’t want to be here on her own, but this was her reality now. She knew that everything would fall apart again soon, she couldn’t have one happy moment without knowing what was to come just around the corner, Arizona still knew the truth, and when Arizona Robbins had something she was like a dog, she wouldn’t let it go. 

It didn’t take as long as she expected, Alex was soon wheeling her baby in, their baby. She sat herself up propped against the many pillows Alex had arranged for her before, she held her arms out waiting for him to pass over her son, her tiny beautiful son, so pure, so innocent, he didn’t know that his existence was messy, or how everything could change. She was tired and her body was sore, but having her newborn son in her arms made her feel like nothing else mattered, she looked up at Alex and flashed him another tired smile.

“He still doesn’t have a name.” She pointed out. Her previous babies had all been named after people in her life, and maybe if things were different she would have chosen the name of the man she admired the most, or the man who was sitting at the foot of her bed, but after all she had done, she didn’t think she could name her bastard child after the first love of her life, she couldn’t dedicate all of her sins to Derek, with a child that wasn’t even his. She couldn’t name him after his father, or the man she appointed as his dad, she didn’t know what to name him and for the first time in this entire pregnancy, this was the only problem she cared about. 

“We’ll think of one” Alex assured her, hand resting upon the foot she had buried beneath her hospital blankets. He knew the perfect name would come to her, she wouldn’t need his help in making the decision, he just wanted to sit here and admire the woman in front of him, the mother who was meeting her child for the first time, the woman he was falling for.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


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